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View Full Version : Hey, Bantham!


Julian Karswell
07-21-2009, 06:43 AM
[Please forgive the impertinent familiarity but I thought that would get your attention...!]

You're a doctor, what can you prescribe?

I'm stuck at home for several weeks with three children while the teachers recharge their batteries and I' m all out of valium. I'm tired and brain-dead already. By the end of the holidays I'll also be broke.

Can you supply laudanum in both adult and child doses?

Or help with childcare?

I can Fed-Ex the little blighters to the US if that'll help.

JK

Odalisque
07-21-2009, 06:58 AM
Amiable Mr Karswell, have you tried telling stories to the little darlings?

Or why not organise a party to entertain them, much as you did in The Night of the Demon? It seemed to me that you had a definite skill for entertaining the little ones.

Dr. Bantham
07-21-2009, 07:02 AM
I daresay that this is a serious case of the greatest concern!

You are in dire need of psychic (physic?) surgery. You have become the sickness, therefore we must remove the coil of mortality. We must remove that portion of the body where the soul resides. The obscene conception of life - the vulgar vanity of creation. The soul must be embodied for the body to be cleansed.

Otherwise, I prescribe a regimen of childish behavior. Try to beat them at their own game. It is a dangerous path, but you just might find glee in the land of wee.

Julian Karswell
07-21-2009, 01:30 PM
Yes, yes, yes....coil of mortality....psychic sickness...disembodiment of soul....that's easy, like shooting fish in a barrel.

But you still haven't answered the pressing question: can I sedate them with opiates and post them to you like so many vampires in earthy boxes? (Assuming you live in Carfax Abbey.)

The children are marginally better behaved than the two which tormented the MP in Aickman's 'My Poor Friend'*.

JK

* This is a lie; they are inifinitely more destructive. This morning they ate a doll's house and its entire contents.

Odalisque
07-21-2009, 06:57 PM
This morning they ate a doll's house and its entire contents.

In that case, you should send them to Mr Ibsen! ;)

Nemonymous
07-22-2009, 03:47 AM
In that case, you should send them to Mr Ibsen!

There are some loose cannons on this forum. But are there any wild ducks?

Odalisque
07-22-2009, 06:54 AM
In that case, you should send them to Mr Ibsen!

There are some loose cannons on this forum. But are there any wild ducks?

Personally, I'd prefer to duck out of that question -- wildly, if necessary.