narcissistic rant about loss of creativeness and joy

[hopfrog]

There have been too many projects that I've had to say no to because I was utterly void of any creative impulse. Ye moft regrettable was S. T.'s anthology, GOTHIC LOVECRAFT. How ye blazes cou'd I NOT be inspir'd to write for an anthology with that theme?! Impossible! But there was nothing inside me. That's why every time I complete a new story and print it out and hold that ms, I feel like I have won a new wee victory. I have this unreasonable dread that one day it will all end and my pen will remain forever dry.

Last year I pretty much didn't leave my house at all and lived a nocturnal existence. These meds have given me the push to go outside for a few walks every day, and I think daily sunlight and exercise have actually helped my depression/anxiety more than the pills in total. I spent most of last year on my back in the dark. The soul rots and atrophies in such positions.

[Robert Adam Gilmour]

One of the most important things for me to keep in mind is not treating my creative ideas like a routine "to do list" or think too much about an audience, but trying to create the juiciest things I would love to exist.

[Sand]

A lot of good advice here already. Here's a few other thoughts:

Being a writer doesn't mean you have to produce work all the time. Aickman wrote, what, 40 to 50 stories, in his lifetime. Two writers I respect average less than one a year.

If you miss the rush of writing but the stories aren't working, try other forms. Poetry, autobiography, travel sketches, experimental pieces, found words, overheard snatches of conversation. Just write stuff down.

Sometimes you might see that two unfinished pieces are actually part of the same thing. Try seeing if any of your fragments could join up, with a bit of extra work.

There are some tricks for revitalising unfinished work. Try changing the gender of the main character and see how that alters the story. Move from first to third person or vice-versa. Rewrite it as a verbal transcript or as letters or as a report. Sometimes these jolts are enough to get the thing moving again.

[Mr.Plores]

Quote Originally Posted by Gnosticangel

This poem by Antonio Machado has always spoken to me about the loss of creativity and joy, due mainly to negligence: The wind, one brilliant day, called to my soul with an odor of jasmine. 'In return for the odor of my jasmine, I'd like all the odor of your roses.' 'I have no roses; all the flowers in my garden are dead.' 'Well then, I'll take the withered petals and the yellow leaves and the waters of the fountain.' the wind left. And I wept. And I said to myself: 'What have you done with the garden that was entrusted to you?'

What a beautiful poem! Indeed, what have I done.

Fortunately the worst is over now I think. I felt embarrassed for writing this rant here, but when I read the responses I was surprised by your understanding and compassion.

I have an obsessive personality so the only way for me to overcome problems is to attack them head on. Obsessiveness turns quickly into stubbornness and from there the path to frustration is short. Hence no wonder that when I lose control of something, I freak out. Somehow I have found a glimmer of hope and started reviving an unfinished story. I expect no fireworks but I guess that finishing it will be worth it, if only for the feeling of actually having some closure.


Thanks for the wonderful advice.