Are you a social butterfly?

[Pharpetron]

I've been a loner for about five years now, since I moved to Ottawa from Toronto. When I lived in Toronto I was more social, but I was still far from being a social butterfly.

Although I experience some intermittent loneliness now and then, my solitude hasn't led to any crippling depression or suicidal thoughts. For the most part, my loneliness takes the shape of a melancholy whose poignancy isn't entirely unpleasant. In fact, I quite enjoy feeling forlorn and constantly find myself on the lookout for books, poetry, and music that will complement and enhance my sadness. I even wake up every morning happy to be sad.

I wish I could reach that level again. Now I'm mostly a scared sort of sad. I find it hard to even unpack my emotional state enough to distinguish between my anxiety and depression right now. They seem part of the same thing.

I'm curious if human company would help, but there's really every chance it would make me worse. I have lowered my expectations in life to the point where I just want to be able to read more than a few short stories per day. I spend the rest of my time pacing up and down or lying in bed despondently.

[Pharpetron]

It sounds like you're really struggling, James. Personally, I always feel a slight undercurrent of anxiety brought on by the certainty that at some point the pain of living will cease to be sweet and will become something monstrous and unbearable. It's amazing how easy it is for a person to forget how to live. How strange it is to wake up one day and find yourself alone and without a ladder in a pit that's sixty feet deep. I hope you manage to reach a place where you're not having to endure large amounts of anxiety. Severe chronic anxiety makes life unbearable and isn't something I'd wish on anyone.

[Mr. D.]

Dear James.I used to be angry and/or depressed most of the time until I found out that the more time I spent not thinking about me the less anger and depression I felt. I would suggest activities such as helping others, taking classes or lessons or things of a similar nature, activities where I am not at all interested in me, are very freeing. I ended up being an accomplished musician as well. Also, I've become much less judgmental of myself and others. Worrying less about me and more about other people and things outside of myself eventually helped me conquer my emotional vices.

[qcrisp]

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/13/op...?src=recg&_r=0

Born to a family of loners, I find I am quite gregarious, though introverted. That doesn't really have anything to do with the above link.

[qcrisp]

There are ways of dealing with depression, though different things work for different people. I'll try and write more on this later.

I'm on the waiting list for cognitive behavioural therapy, but it seems to be taking forever. Probably due to the evil Tory cuts. My parents have got in touch with a private psychiatrist, so I am going to try that. I have to talk to my doctor tomorrow about a referral.

In the meantime I am trying to stave off suicidal thoughts by focusing on the ghostly fiction of Hartley and Metcalfe.

[Pharpetron]

I wish you the best of luck in getting treatment, James. I don't envy you trying to navigate the nightmarishly red-tape laden and bureaucratic world of moden mental health care with its endless referrals, consultations, and waiting lists.

[qcrisp]

Quote Originally Posted by James Sucellus

I'm on the waiting list for cognitive behavioural therapy, but it seems to be taking forever. Probably due to the evil Tory cuts. My parents have got in touch with a private psychiatrist, so I am going to try that. I have to talk to my doctor tomorrow about a referral. In the meantime I am trying to stave off suicidal thoughts by focusing on the ghostly fiction of Hartley and Metcalfe.

Staving off suicidal thoughts by reading ghost fiction is a good move.

I think this kind of thing is sometimes underestimated.

I've had the NHS CBT before, about two years back. And before that, too. How effective it is depends on who you're assigned, basically, but it's also time-limited, of course. Therefore, if you can get a private psychiatrist, I think that would certainly be preferable.

I know full well that different people find different things effective in dealing with depression and anxiety, but I'll mention some of the things that have worked for me, just in case any of them are helpful.

For me there have been no quick fixes. I don't know how many people do find quick fixes. When you're in the middle of depression, though, it's very easy to believe that nothing is making a difference, whereas, in fact, there are things that can help you get along in what will make the biggest difference of all, which is living, being autonomous, finding your own motivations and acting on them.

I'm not one of those who have found medication helpful, though I know it helps some people.

To one degree or another the following have helped. I apologise in advance if you've heard these a thousand times before:

1. Giving yourself a break. You have no duty either to be happy, or to be miserable. (I can expand on any of this at will, but am keeping this brief for now.)
2. Walking. Fresh air, sensory stimulation, exercise. Depending on mood, this can be better away from people, by a river, in a wood, etc., or Petula Clark-style, downtown. My moods tend to favour the former, to be honest. Nature doesn't demand anything of us; I find it a relief.
3. Meditation. I went on a retreat here some years back. It's fairly hardcore - ten hours meditation a day in silence. I found it beneficial, though. I say this as someone who very much disagreed with the Buddhist doctrine that we were subjected to in sermons during the instruction in meditation. There are probably other places where you can do this kind of thing, or variants of it.
4. Reading philosophy. I know how weedy this might sound, but I honestly think this has been one of the things that has helped me the most. I even lose my temper noticeably less frequently than I used to. Well, there could be multiple reasons for that, but it feels to me like my reading of philosophy has helped, for instance, Epictetus, Boethius and others.
5. Writing - you do this already, I believe. Sublimation is good!
6. Taking a leap into a new project. I've done this a number of times and found it helpful. I was unemployed for about five years after leaving school, for instance, but then entered university as a mature student. (Harder to do that these days, but, anyway, that's just an example. Learning a new, unfamiliar subject could be another example, or doing voluntary work, or a sponsored triathlon or something.)
7. Memento mori. Contemplating death. It will come. It's unlikely the bastards can follow you there, but there's no hurry. Dorothy Parker sums it up here.

[Mr.Plores]

I think I am a Basic Butterfly. According to a girl back in highschool I am pretty "basic" in general (I still try to understand what she meant)

I like people, I really do. Usually can go grab a beer with the most obnoxious t**t without any problems. But when the sadness comes in, it comes in heavily and all guns blazing. That is when I become "solitary-confinement" Mr.Plores. I burn a candle and pray to the Ancient Ones every night so that the sadness will not come again, but it is a futile struggle.

However usually I feel energized when I meet the people I care about. I am not shy, but unknown people make me tired or bore me. I use social media but that is just for stalking writers I like and talk to the 5-6 friends I have.

In general I am more social than I really feel comfortable with.