Revision notes: "Dr. Locrian's Asylum"

[Brendan Moody]

What follows is a comprehensive list of differences between the version of "Dr. Locrian's Asylum" that appears in the Carroll and Graf mass market paperback edition and the version that appears in the Subterranean hardcover edition. Obviously, C&G is Carroll and Graf, and S is Subterranean. Page references are to the Subterranean edition, but you can probably work out the C&G equivalent by context. Paragraph numbers refer to full paragraphs, so sometimes the last paragraph on one page continues on the page following. If anything is unclear, just ask, and let me know if you find errors.

These alterations aren't the most substantial or gripping, but there are some interesting small changes, particularly in the second half of the story. If there's interest, I might do similar lists for other stories, including "Alice's Last Adventure," which has some substantial deletions.

Two caveats:
1) These are the only two versions of the story that I own, so some changes may be from intervening revisions rather than the most recent one.
2) Some minor changes may be the result of proofreading/typographical problems rather than conscious revision.

Here, then, is the list:

p. 217, paragraph 1: In the second sentence, “that darkly gated patch of ground” in C&G becomes “the gated patch of ground” in S.

p. 217, paragraph 2: In the first sentence, “edifice” and “graveyard” in C&G become “structure” and “burial-ground” in S. In the second sentence, “propose” in C&G becomes “put forward” in S. The third and fourth sentences in S were originally a single sentence, linked by a colon, in C&G.

p. 218, paragraph 1: In the first sentence, “positive” in C&G was replaced by “taking” in S. In the third sentence, the phrase “But we all shared the burden of the crumbling asylum itself” in C&G was replaced by “But all of us were equally burdened by the asylum itself” in S. The fourth sentence is different enough that I'll quote both versions in full.

C&G: “The setting sun would always be half-hidden by that massive silhouette, that huge broken headstone of some unspeakable grave.”

S: “To make things worse, the setting sun would each day slip out of sight behind the asylum, thus committing our town to a premature darkness in the long shadow of that massive edifice.”

p. 218, paragraph 2: In C&G, this paragraph and the one before it were a single long paragraph. In C&G, the first word of the first sentence is “But;” in S it is changed to “Yet.” In C&G, the word “own” appears before “our” in the first sentence; in S, it has been deleted. In C&G, the first two sentences of the paragraph were one long sentence, linked by the word “and”. The first word of the second sentence was “through” in C&G, but changed to “Throughout” in S. The phrase “certain shamefully superstitious persons” in C&G was changed to “some persons” in S, and “the dark sky above the town” in C&G became “the sky” in S. The first word of the third sentence was “Although” in C&G and became “Though” in S.

p. 218, paragraph 4: In the second sentence, the word “the” appears before “gray” in C&G, but is deleted in S, and “the shallow bed withered” in C&G becomes “a shallow bed sunken” in S.

p. 219, paragraph 1: The reference in C&G to “a sliding panel, a long rectangular slot near the ceiling” becomes “a sliding panel that could be opened only from the other side” in S. “And on the other side” in C&G becomes “And next to that room” in S. The second half of this sentence in S seems to have suffered a proofreading error; it reads “another room that was unfurnished room and seemed never to have been occupied.” The equivalent in C&G is “another room, an unfurnished room which seemed never to have been occupied.”

p. 219, paragraph 3: In C&G, this paragraph and the one before it were a single paragraph. The first sentence began with “And” in C&G, but this was deleted in S. The phrase “a room I had visited myself” was set off by commas in C&G and by dashes in S. In C&G, the first two sentences were a single sentence, ending “located on the uppermost floor of the asylum and contained a great windowless skylight. In S, the first sentence ends with “asylum,” and the second sentence was “In the ceiling of that room was a great skylight. In S, the word “And” has been added before “Positioned,” which was the first word of the sentence in C&G. The word “and” appeared prior to “fixed” in C&G, but was deleted in S. In S, the word “there” has been added between “place” and “stood.” The straps are described as “huge” in C&G but “thick” in S.

p. 219, paragraph 4: The wording of the opening sentence differs enough that both versions are worth recording.

C&G: “There may have been other rooms of a strange type which memory has forbidden to me.”

S: “Other rooms of a strange type have been struck from my memory, though I know they existed and may have dreamed of them.”

In the next sentence, the phrase “somehow none of them” in C&G became “none of these” in S, while “years” in C&G became “decades” in S. Also, “the asylum's outer walls” in C&G was changed to “the building's outer walls” in S, and “a cautious state of silence” in C&G was changed to “a state of watchful silence” in S.

p. 219, paragraph 5: The words “at any stage of the destruction” appear at the end of the first sentence in C&G, but are absent in S. The next sentence began “Although no one, to my knowledge, suspected” in C&G and became “Though no one to my knowledge suspected” in S. In the third sentence, “graveyard” in C&G became “burial-ground” in S.

p. 220, paragraph 1: A reference to “some books” in C&G becomes “some volumes of curiosa” in S. The phrase “some peculiarity about them that breeds” in C&G was changed to “a quality about them that seems to breed” in S.

p. 220, paragraph 2: “greeted” in C&G was changed to “said,” in S, and the punctuation after the word over” is ellipses in C&G but a dash in S.

p. 220, paragraph 3: In C&G, this paragraph and the one that follows were a single paragraph, and the word “So” did not appear before “I see.”

p. 220, paragraph 4: In C&G, this paragraph began, “'I see,' he said, approaching,” while in S it begins “Mr. Locrian approached.” The end of the paragraph was “Something of a feat, a striking page of local history” in C&G, and was changed to “Something of a feat, I would say. A deed worthy of record.”

p. 220, paragraph 5: “answered” in C&G becomes “replied” in S.

p. 220, paragraph 6: “replied” and “asked” in C&G were both changed to “said” in S.

p. 221, paragraph 3: The first two sentences in S were a single sentence, linked by a comma, in C&G, and the words “that day” appeared after “for him” in C&G and were deleted in S. The fourth and fifth sentences, “He paused, as if waiting for me to contradict him. His face took on a sly look,” did not appear in C&G. The sixth sentence, which begins, “Tell me, Mr. Crane,” in S, began “'Tell me,' he asked, suddenly animated,” in C&G.

p. 221, paragraph 5: The first sentence is worth giving in full in both versions.

C&G: “And isn't there much the same feeling now, in this town, as there was in those stories?”

S: “And isn't there now the same sense of consternation, here in this town, as those stories inspired in anyone who heard them?”

In the second sentence, ellipses appeared before the final word in C&G, but are absent in S.

p. 221, paragraph 6: The phrase “from one end of the counter to the other, then back again” in C&G was replaced by “between one end of the counter and the other” in S.

p. 221, paragraph 7: The word “confidence” in C&G was replaced by “trust” in S, and “that it would make any difference” in C&G became “it would mean anything” in S.

p. 221, paragraph 9: In C&G, the words “in his earlier, quiet voice” appear after “said,” but they're absent in S. The word “now” appears after “different” in C&G but after “are” in S.

p. 221, paragraph 10: This reads, “'...Yes,' I conceded” in C&G, but “Yes,' I finally conceded” in S.

p. 222, paragraph 1: This reads “But no one is exactly sure in what way things are different” in S, and was “But no one is sure exactly in what way they are different” in C&G.

p. 222, paragraph 3: The reference to “that graveyard” in C&G becomes “that cemetery you ravaged” in S.

p. 222, paragraph 4: These are the two versions of the second sentence.

C&G: “But it was as if I were the one who had said nothing at all, nothing that would deter him from what he had come to tell me.”

S: “But he ignored my words as if I had said nothing at all, or at least nothing that would deter him from imposing his confidences on me.”

p. 222, paragraph 6: “passers-by” in C&G becomes “passersby” in S.

p. 222, paragraph 7: The third sentence begins “Although” in C&G and “Though” in S, and “his time” in C&G becomes “any time” in S. The middle of the fourth sentence was “which was also the home of myself and my parents” in C&G, and became “which by then had become the residence where I lived with my parents” in S. In C&G there is a final sentence that is absent in S, “Of course, you probably don't remember...”

p. 222, paragraph 8: The paragraph ends with ellipses in C&G, but with a period in S.

p. 222, paragraph 10: “incredible, owing to the manner” in C&G became “incredible by reason of the manner” in S.

p. 223, paragraph 2: “desired” in C&G became “aspired to” in S, and “desire” was likewise changed to “aspiration.”

p. 223, paragraph 3: “qualities” in C&G was changed to “attributes” in S. Also, “into the absolute, the realm” in C&G became “into the realm” in S, and “the ultimate insanity of the infinite void” in C&G became “the insanity of the infinite” in S. And “magnificent” in C&G was changed to “exalted” in S. Finally, “imperishable, possessing that abysmal absence of mind, that infinite vacuity” in C&G became “imperishable, forever consigned to that abysmal vacuity” in S.

p. 224, paragraph 1: In the second sentence, “down the moonlit hallway, feeling irresistibly drawn toward the closed door of my grandfather's room” in C&G became “down the hallway toward the closed door of my grandfather's room” in S. The third sentence in S was originally two sentences in C&G, as follows:

C&G: “Stopping in front of that door, I turned its cold handle and slowly pushed back its strange nocturnal mass. Peeking timidly into the room, I saw my grandfather sitting before the window in the bright moonlight.”

S: “Stopping in front of that door, I turned its cold handle and peeked timidly into the room, where I saw my grandfather sitting before the window in the moonlight.”

In C&G, the words “slowly and tonelessly” appeared before “replied,” but they are absent in S.

p. 224, paragraph 2: The first two sentences in S are a single sentence in C&G, linked by a colon after anger. Also, the narrator is “surprised” in C&G, but “stunned” in S. In the third sentence, the word “secret” in C&G was replaced by “enigmatic” in S. Later in the paragraph, “was added to all the old ones” in C&G was replaced by “was erected here” in S. Also, “took up those implements” and “desire” in C&G were replaced by “rose up” and “impulse” in S.

p. 225, paragraph 2: The final two sentences in S were originally a single sentence, linked by a comma, in C&G.

p. 225, paragraph 3: “imagine that I believe anything” in C&G became “expect me to believe what” in S.

p. 225, paragraph 4: Between the second and third sentences of this paragraph in S, two additional sentences originally appeared in C&G: “As you say, how could I? Without being somewhat mad, that is.” In the third sentence, the words “come to know” appear at the end in S but not in C&G.

p. 225, paragraph 6: The second sentence appears to have suffered a proofreading error in S. It reads “might had arrived,” as opposed to “had arrived” in C&G.

p. 225, paragraph 8: “living quarters” in S was originally “rooms” in C&G.

p. 225, paragraph 9: “lustrous” in S was originally “luminous” in C&G. “habiliments” and “were” in S were changed from “attire” and “was” in C&G. The phrase “formal and funereal” in C&G became simply “formal” in S.

p. 226, paragraph 1: These are the two openings of this paragraph.

C&G: “In daylight, when the figures in the windows took on a dull wooden appearance that seemed less maddening, some of us ventured into those high rooms. But nothing was ever found on the other side of their windows, nothing save a tenantless room which no light would illuminate and which sooner or later inspired any occupant with a demented dead.”

S: “In daylight, when viewed at street level, the figures in the windows took on a dull wooden appearance. Somehow that was less maddening. It was then that some of us ventured into those high rooms. But nothing was ever found on the other side of what were now their windows-- nothing save a tenantless room which no light would illuminate and which sooner or later drove us away in seizures of uncanny dread.”

Later in the paragraph, “Eventually we may have ceased” in C&G was changed to “As I remember, we eventually ceased” in S.

p. 226, paragraph 2: The word “mindlessly” appeared before “consumed” in C&G, but was deleted from S.

p. 226, paragraph 4: “it was reported that one of our citizens had been taken by the fire” in C&G was replaced in S by it got around that one of our citizens perished in the conflagration. Also, the word “fiery” was added before “death” in S.

p. 226, paragraph 5: These are the two openings to this paragraph.

C&G: “There was, of course, no effort made to recover the town we had lost: when the first snow fell that year, it fell upon ruins grown cold and dreadful."

S: “No effort was made by anyone to recover the town we had lost. When the first snow fell that year, it fell upon unclaimed ruins.”

p. 227, paragraph 1: In C&G, there is a references to “faces that appear;” in S, this is changed to “a charred face that appears.”

[sundog]

It was very fine of you to do this, Brendan. If you were to do the same thing with another of the stories in SOADD I wish it would be 'Vastarien'. That story has come to be my absolute favourite in the collection. I'm very curious to see how the new version differs from the old one.

	SOADD Songs of a Dead Dreamer   Songs of a Dead Dreamer was the first book published featuring a collection stories by Thomas Ligotti. Original Printing Revised Printing

[Brendan Moody]

I've been meaning to come back to these revision notes for a while, but I always seem to forget. However, today I've managed to put together the list for "Vastarien." I've formatted it as a table within a word document, which cuts down on the amount of extraneous, repetitive typing I have to do, and is (I think) a bit easier to read. The file is attached to this post. Many changes are minor and have to do with wording, but again there are a few moderate ones of some interest, including an alteration to the final passage of the story.

I think next I'll want to to jump ahead and do a story or two from Grimscribe, where a couple have some particularly interesting changes. In the long term I do hope to catalog all the changes in all the Subterranean revised editions, but it's a very time-consuming process. One every six months is pushing it, though, so someone remind me if I haven't gotten around to the next one within a couple weeks. Spending a day on such close reading of Ligotti definitely gives me a renewed, enhanced appreciation for his imagery and diction.