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Old 01-13-2017   #11
Ibrahim
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Re: Getting old...

A growing sad amazement & weary anger at the ease and eagerness with which people turn the world into a prison for their mind/ vice versa.

"What can a thing do with a thing, when it is a thing?"
-Shaykh Ibn Al 'Arabi
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Old 01-13-2017   #12
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Re: Getting old...

Too bad that site didn't have Aleister Crowley's purported last words: "I am perplexed."

Been a bit morbid myself lately, what with one of my cats (who is 15 years of age) recently falling ill. A few years ago I was flipping through Jung's Memories, Dreams, Reflections (a book I really should read the whole way through one day), and I came across these two paragraphs that jumped out at me. It seems the older I get, the more and more they resonate with me:

"I am astonished, disappointed, pleased with myself. I am distressed, depressed, rapturous. I am all these things at once, and cannot add up the sum. I am incapable of determining ultimate worth or worthlessness; I have no judgment about myself and my life. There is nothing I am quite sure about. I have no definite convictions- not about anything, really. I know only that I was born and I exist, and it seems to me that I have been carried along. I exist on the foundation of something I do not know. In spite of all uncertainties, I feel a solidity underlying all existence and a continuity in my mode of being.

The world into which we are born is brutal and cruel, and at the same time of divine beauty. Which element we think outweighs the other, whether meaninglessness or meaning, is a matter of temperament. If meaninglessness were absolutely preponderant, the meaningfulness of life would vanish to an increasing degree with each step in our development. But that is -or seems to me- not the case. Probably, as in all metaphysical questions, both are true: Life is, or has, meaning and meaninglessness. I cherish the anxious hope that meaning will preponderate and win the battle."

"The Outsider must find a direction and commit himself to it, not lie moping about the meaninglessness of the world."
-Colin Wilson, Religion and the Rebel
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Old 01-13-2017   #13
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Re: Getting old...

I like to think I'm at peace with the knowledge one day I'll be gone, but have the nagging feeling I won't know for sure until the moment comes. Not that there is a lack of grieving to deal with in the meantime, both internal and external.

As a meme online says: kids, don't grow up... it's a trap.



Quote Originally Posted by Frater_Tsalal View Post
Been a bit morbid myself lately, what with one of my cats (who is 15 years of age) recently falling ill.
Hope your cat makes a recovery, or at least does not suffer much. A couple years ago I lost my two cats (aged 19 and 18 respectively) so I know it can be quite strenuous.
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Old 01-13-2017   #14
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Re: Getting old...

I think you misunderstood me, Robin. When I said the pains, indignities and losses that accompany advanced age are a cure for the fear of death I meant these 'preliminaries' to dying are so bad it makes you absolutely long for death. You pretty much say the same thing when you state it's the afflictions that accompany old age that bother you, not oblivion itself.
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Old 01-14-2017   #15
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Re: Getting old...

I'm in my 20, but my family and half of my friends are in their 50s to 90s. They will die as I grow old (or in this case, grow up). Youth isn't all it is imagined to be for me as I have stomach troubles and have to be on guard against schizophrenia.

WORD MADE FLESH. The relationship between thought and language is the relationship between a wound and its scar.

-Hans Abendroth
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Old 01-15-2017   #16
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Re: Getting old...

I feel that growing old is a process of gradual disillusionment. You ultimately realize everything you dreamed of in youth is a lie, and that it was all essentially for nothing. I'm in my early thirties, yet I don't plan on being around for much longer. I feel like I've seen enough of the world. There's very little here but heartbreak and boredom. I suppose death would be tantamount to a sort of victory over evil.

"In a less scientific age, he would have been a devil-worshipper, a partaker in the abominations of the Black Mass; or would have given himself to the study and practice of sorcery. His was a religious soul that had failed to find good in the scheme of things; and lacking it, was impelled to make of evil itself an object of secret reverence."

~ Clark Ashton Smith, "The Devotee of Evil"
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Old 01-15-2017   #17
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Re: Getting old...

34 here. I can't really pinpoint why but throughout these last few months I've really been feeling the weight of my mortality. It's one of those anxious, jarring feelings that you wake up with, and one that pins you to the bed in unbearable pain and nausea. It's difficult because under that context lies a very specific existential clarity that pulls me into a space where I just feel like abandoning everything I have built in life (nothing at all, ultimately) and traveling aimlessly about the earth. I'm tired of trying to build anymore. I just want to float around until I can't.
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Old 01-15-2017   #18
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Re: Getting old...

How ironic. Here I am about to turn 50 on Inauguration Day and already I have received my AARP application.

I have chosen to celebrate my half century on this planet by throwing away almost everything I own and am starting my life anew, determined not live as foolishly as I have.

Mr. Veech is quite right, as usual, when he says that with advanced age comes disillusionment. The brass ring I have been chasing: made of plastic and worthless.

I choose now to spend my remaining years keeping my mind as occupied as possible with my few remaining interests and learn to tune out the cacophony that surrounds me. Once you decide to do it, the process is easier than you may think.

"The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind." - H. P. Lovecraft
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Old 01-15-2017   #19
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Re: Getting old...

Regardless of my age, I suppose I will always enjoy encountering works of art which expose the futility of all things, even if they represent only a momentary triumph over existence.

"In a less scientific age, he would have been a devil-worshipper, a partaker in the abominations of the Black Mass; or would have given himself to the study and practice of sorcery. His was a religious soul that had failed to find good in the scheme of things; and lacking it, was impelled to make of evil itself an object of secret reverence."

~ Clark Ashton Smith, "The Devotee of Evil"
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Old 01-15-2017   #20
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Re: Getting old...

The most debilitating thing about growing old may be the many afflictions, merely annoying or severe, that are part of the process. Depression and failing health make it difficult to keep active; but some form of activity is essential or things like depression will only grow worse.

You live in the Now; if today is tolerable, you try and make tomorrow just as tolerable...or better.
Whatever interests are left you, feed them well. My love of music, song writing and of 335 style guitars help me get out of bed. For now at least.
Eat as well as you can. There's a lot of bogus information out there on miracle food and supplement cures. It's crap. But basic nutrition is important and can make a difference.

Losing friends and family may be the worse part of it all. Hang on to the ones still left and treat them right. Don't shy away from making new acquaintances. Finding congenial souls isn't easy when you become set in your ways--but it's possible.
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