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Old 09-22-2009   #11
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Julian Karswell
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Re: Exclusive TLO Offer

[JK shuffles onto the stage nervously, wilting under the blinding glare of the spotlight.]

I have a short announcement to make. I'm afraid that Mr Henderson, the celebrated Somerset thrower, will be unable to appear tonight, but that Henry the Horse will, hold on, that's the wrong piece of paper. Ah, here we go.

"The Haunted River begs to inform paying members that copies of Mr Oliver's debut collection The Dreams Of Cardinal Vittorini Etc, Etc have finally been located, wrapped and despatched to the various TLO designates who ordered one. These curious volumes were posted this very lunchtime and should arrive within one to weeks maximum. Sincere apologies are once again tendered regarding the delay in sending the books out. I could talk about events conspiring etc etc, so I will. Events conspired against me, culminating in the sudden but little lamented death of my former home computer, rendering access to the internet less than frequent."

[Rumblings from the audience; muted boos and hisses are heard from the back row; a rotten banana is thrown from the stalls by a man wearing a false beard.]

"Thank you for your patience and forbearance."

JK bows anxiously and makes a hasty retreat for the side door, pursued by a bear.
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