God of Foulness

[matt cardin]

Thanks, Jon. I think the fact that the story comes off as Lovecraftian is due, in a deep sense (below the level of certain superficial thematic similarities), to the way Lovecraft, in writing powerfully from his own deep, personal horror, not only influenced certain specific ways that I'm inclined to write a horror story but shaped my overall sense of how to approach such a task at all. (Of course the same can also be said of some guy named Thomas Ligotti.)

Speaking of personal, the last paragraphs of "The God of Foulness" are pretty pointedly personal for me.

Quote

With increasing frequency and intensity, I find myself doubting whether there really is such a thing as authenticity, since there is no real “me” to which I should feel honor-bound. At the deepest level, the level of absolute, unconditioned truth, there is only the one Self churning in infinite chaos, and It does not know or care whether I am real. I feel sickened when I dwell upon the fact that I am backed into a corner where the only authentic act I can perform -- the most authentic act of my life, the one that will redeem a lifetime spent in pretension and falsehood -- will be to give myself up to the God of Foulness, the manifest presence of the infinite corruption that constitutes the heart of reality. This God speaks to me constantly through the disease of my individuated selfhood -- the last and truest disease -- and shows me that the only way out, the only way to reconnect with what I once thought I had, is to choose the inner over the outer, peace over beauty. It is a soul-searing choice, for I know that when I eventually give in, a virulent cancer will erupt on my face, and the God will reclaim what is rightfully His. I can put it off as long as I want. He says He gives me a choice. But then, how can it be a true choice when nothing else is real? Everything is empty and good for nothing but to rot, except for this chaos, this madness, this sickness, this filth. In the end, there is no real choice for me to make, for I have nothing else from which to choose. Nor do any of us.

I don't live there all the time. But I do often enough.

[dr. locrian]

Matt, what a masterwork that story is, as is evidenced by those last lines.

And, as you know, I have lived there often enough myself. And no matter how tranquil or stable things become at times, that's what is lurking behind and within my consciousness, waiting for itself to be made known yet again.

[Spiral]

Quote Originally Posted by matt cardin

Anybody who would like a copy of THE GOD OF FOULNESS, please email me at mgcardin@fidnet.com so that I can reply with the file attached. I tried to send it to a couple of you via this site's Private Message function, but the site wouldn't accept the file upload. Oh -- and many thanks, Eddie and Stu, for your positive words about my novella. Sorry for not acknowledging those before.

hi, does the offer still apply?
i'd love to read the story (having read the excerpts at Matt's Site), loved Notes Of A Mad Copyist and your essay on the book of Isaiah. I had someone buy me the kindle version of Divinations Of The Deep


edit: oh, just realised that post was from 2005. ha