Job Interview Questions

[ToALonelyPeace]

How would you answer these interview questions:
1) Tell us about yourself.
2) Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
3) Why do you want to work here?
4) How do people describe you?
5) What are your greatest strength/greatest weakness?

Of course in a real job interview, in order not to get sent to a mental institution, I will avoid answering honestly. Here are my frank answers though:

1) I don't want to be an 'I', and my self consists of empty moments colored by anxiety, regret, and pain.
2) In a cold urn. If I'm lucky.
3) Temporal insanity leads me here.
4) Strange and clumsy and awkward.
5) My greatest strength is to never have children and too many people that know me. My greatest weakness is speaking to people.

[Revenant]

1. I'm the type of person who realizes that there is no "I" in "team,"" but if you rearrange the letters you get a "me" so that works for me. I'm a meat eating predator, and if you spell "team" backwards... 2. I see myself five years closer to leaving this damned existence. 3. I hear the oversight here is terrible and that I can go a whole day without doing any actual work. 4. I don't let anyone get close enough to me to feel that they can render an opinion. 5. Knowing about the reality of existence and being too cowardly to do anything about it.

[gveranon]

Quote Originally Posted by ToALonelyPeace

How would you answer these interview questions: 1) Tell us about yourself. 2) Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 3) Why do you want to work here? 4) How do people describe you? 5) What are your greatest strength/greatest weakness?

1. I am doing everything in my power to pretend to be somewhat normal for the duration of this interview.

2. Still here if I get this job [long groan].

3. Isn't it amazing what economic desperation will drive a person to?

4. They're pretty sure I'm not the sort of quiet loner who's about to go postal.

5. Greatest strength: I am resigned to my fate, I am in your hands. Greatest weakness: occasional catatonia.

[bendk]

Quote Originally Posted by ToALonelyPeace

How would you answer these interview questions: 1) Tell us about yourself. 2) Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 3) Why do you want to work here? 4) How do people describe you? 5) What are your greatest strength/greatest weakness?

1. I'm on an even keel. You couldn't tell the difference if I was ecstatic or furious, sober or stoned out of my mind.
2. Either working for another company trying to get through my probationary period or on disability from a workplace accident.
3. Health Insurance. Does your company pay for psychotherapy?
4. As one who skulks about
5. I get along well with others until they make 'my list.' / I leave too much evidence.

[ToALonelyPeace]

Thank you guys, all your answers bring a smile to my wooden soul.

Bonus:
If we all interview at the same company, our motto would be "Our Work is Not Yet Done".
We would never have any useless conference or plan for the month.
Any person who work too much or display an overabundance of optimism gets transferred, immediately.
We would all be night workers, or as people call us, 'ghosts'.

[Druidic]

How would you answer these interview questions:
1) Tell us about yourself.
2) Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
3) Why do you want to work here?
4) How do people describe you?
5) What are your greatest strength/greatest weakness
Posted by ToALonelyPeace.

1) Why?
2)Usually in mirrors.
3)Do I?
4) Like any other Non-Entity-- like yourself, for instance.
5)A desire to compromise/ A desire to compromise.

[Mr.Plores]

1) Tell us about yourself.
2) Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
3) Why do you want to work here?
4) How do people describe you?
5) What are your greatest strength/greatest weakness?

1) I think too much and drink too little. I have a great work ethic though.
2) hopefully with a BA in History (I like being poor) and a ####ty part-time job. Probably with much less hair and sporadic erectile dysfunction ( you can't fight the passing of time).
3) I need money so I can keep eating before testicular cancer gets me.
4) Human animated puppet. An example of true horror and western-world decadency.
5) see 1). Being human.