A few reviews

[Zaharoff]

Trick R Treat - 2007 - 6/10



One of the better films focusing on Halloween, specifically trick or treating.
Four separate narratives interweave back and forth.
All themes struck: monsters, curses, murders, costumes, sex.
Suspicious neighbors, annoying children, horny teenagers, bickering couples.
Funny, stabbed with violence that spurts from nowhere.

[Zaharoff]

Dark Waters - 1993 - 6/10
AKA - Temnye Vody



After father dies (parents, so undependable), young woman journeys to remote convent island, during a violent, midnight storm.
Dad had been funding the sisterhood for years and she wants to know why.
Also, she was originally born on the island, and she wonders why she was warned never to return.
A slow film, though dense with imagery and set design.
The island is riddled with caves,catacombs, candles and streams of trickling waters.
Lovecraft readers will find much to appreciate in this, as will Italian horror aficionados.
Dialogue is minimal. Show, don’t say, definitely applies, though that rule is overruled near the end and the film suffers, I think.

[Zaharoff]

Godzilla Vs Cthulhu - 2047 - 7/10



Cranky lizard with paint peeling breath confronts the tentacled lord of R’yleh.
Somnambulant buildup of greedy developers trying to seize a small, impoverished seaside monastery.
(Ever notice developers are always greedy, always bullying poor folks?)
Valiantly, the Sisters Of Graceful Tides hold a music concert to raise funds.
Shonen Knife, screeching a cover version of Blue Öyster Cult’s “Godzilla,” icurs the wrath of Godzilla who always hated the chorus. Squawking and flaming, he crashes ashore.
Then, as terrified screams and howls somehow fuse into "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn," you guessed it, dread Cthulhu heaves from the waves.
At this point, the Japanese fondness for hentai results in truly horrifying erotic grappling, which will not be elaborated upon further.
The pace hits overdrive and action roars nonstop. Yakuza hitmen arrive, as well as vegan mercenaries on Vespa scooters, nude nuns with knives, parachuting Russian bodybuilders, a squad of over-sexed female lifeguards, and an annoying old alcoholic woman in a squeaking wheelchair.
Red hot flames - roasted brains - blood oath claims - gangbang chains - putrid stains
In other words - absolute must see classic!

[Zaharoff]

Chupacabra Zombies Vs Wicked Nuns Vs Cthulhu - 2047 - 7/10



Following rampant global warming, the chupacabra population explodes!
Worse, when killed, they revive, hungrier than ever.
Livestock is annihilated, pets disappear, small humans become unhappy meals.
A desperate group of moles evacadores (wall tunnelers) seek refuge in a sinister, fortified nunnery north of Ensenada.
Las Hermanas de Palo Mayombe.
As the gruesome siege whittles their numbers, the sisterhood misconstrue a Santerian chant and accidently invoke the dread Lord of R’yleh.
Awesome Cthulhu (who loathes the over-used “awesome” word, by the way).
Harlequin Film’s first foray into Horror boasts jaw-dropping special effects.
Cthulhu, churning from the Pacific Ocean, capsizing cruise liners, unforgettable!
Cthulhu’s hundreds of tentacles squeezing pudgy, pleading passengers until their heads pop off, nightmare!
On the other hand, the de rigueur romance storyline is preposterous!
Horny young nun (who wears a habit but no bra) and the way-too-cute pizza delivery guy? Really?
How does the Pepperoni Kid peddle his bicycle through ravenous chupacabras? With a stack of pizzas?
Producers must assume if viewers buy that, they will buy anything.

[Zaharoff]

Elvis Vs Cthulhu - 2047 - 7/10



Everyones favorite villains, property developers, are at it again.
Their target this time is the Black Sands Orphanage. In breathtaking Hawaii!
After the board of directors decline multiple offers, the developers meet on the beach at midnight and invoke dread Cthulhu. They beg the Great One to destroy the orphanage, devour the children, and leave the black sands red with blood.
Three pretty counselors, Julie, Jackie, and Jennie, all wearing matching white go-go boots, call for a hero.
Elvis.
The King arrives, forty years after his disappearance, and true to his Southern roots, he knows how to wield a chainsaw.
Between relentless battles, he manages to romance each lovely lady and sing classic songs such as:
“Tentacles Of Love,” “Stand Against The Shadow Of Time,” and “Beach Barbeque Rumble.”
A winner!
Don’t miss the closing credits where the Lord Of R’lyeh vows to return while the King sings “Bop bop a lula, gonna pop ya Cthulhu.”

[Zaharoff]

13 Minutes - 2015 - 7/10
AKA - Elser



Dramatization of a World War II footnote.
The 1939 assassination attempt on Adolf Hitler that missed by 13 minutes.
Musician, factory worker, seducer, Georg Elser, decides Adolf is putting fellow Germans on a path to ruination.
He devises a powerful bomb with clockwork timer and places it inside the Munich Bürgerbräukeller.
Single-handedly.
The Gestapo disbelieve and intensify interrogations.
Well acted, and cannily arranged chronology maintain interest throughout.
Nagging questions notwithstanding, a strong drama with passing relevance to current events.

[Zaharoff]

Les Témoins - 2015 - 7/10
AKA - Witnesses



Absorbing French thriller of unearthed corpses, a serial killer, and a wolf.
Parties unknown break into model homes and arrange corpses as family units.
Most of the deceased were freshly dug, a few freshly slain.
Those draw police involvement.
One cop in particular, a famous investigator, comes out of retirement as clues are meant for him.
Not as dark as Scandinavian Noir, but full of surprises and bracing coastal scenery.
Despite a couple of bungles in the final episode, a shrewd interlocking puzzler.

[Zaharoff]

The Young Girls Of Rochefort - 1966 - 5/10
AKA - Les Demoiselles de Rochefort



Man, what a disappointing howler.
This was followup to The Umbrellas Of Cherbourg.
Seaside village prepares for the end of summer fete, as the French version of carnival arrives.
Looking for love are Catherine Deneuve and her real life sister Françoise Dorléac (who died tragically young that year).
Also on hand, dancing away, are George Chakiris and Gene Kelly.
Dancing is an understatement, the film is almost nonstop choreography.
Numerous songs by Michel Legrand, none truly memorable.
The movie gets exhausting after awhile. The impression is that everyone tried too hard.

[Zaharoff]

Chimera - 1991 - 6/10



London emergency nurse hires on to work at idyllic, rural fertility clinic.
Once there, she soon realizes there is much more going on.
Somewhat dated, cautionary SciFi / Horror series about DNA cross genetics
Experimental research has gone off the rails and strong arm government forces arrive.
An ex-boyfriend pokes around, as does a grieving widower, and holiday copper.
Look, feel, clothes, locations, all were prime 80s.
Though Horror elements pushed, this is more a conspiracy thriller.

[Zaharoff]

The Tenant Of Wildfell Hall - 1996 - 6/10



Glossy three-parter of the Anne Brontë novel.
Widow moves to tiny hamlet, small son in tow. Also closet skeletons and unspoken baggage.
Village gossip quickly turns malicious and she is shunned by all save a yeoman who is attracted to her.
Secrets are shown in flashback of the horrors the widow fled from.
Most of the characters are brutish, vicious and given to vice.
This is a moral tale, with a suffering, albeit strong, female character.
Finely done, but those seeking another Pemberley, beware.