Horror Questionnaire from John Skipp

[DoktorH]

NIGHTMARE ROYALE # 2: SO WHAT THE HELL KIND OF SICKO HORROR FREAK ARE YOU, ANYWAY? (A CHEERFUL QUESTIONNAIRE!) | FANGORIA®
from the article itself:

Quote

I’m gonna rattle off a series of seemingly-random multiple choice statements, in survey form.. The question is: do you agree or disagree? You don’t have to pick just one per category. In fact, PLEASE DON’T! Chances are you’ll fall on one side or the other with each and every statement made. And because there is no right answer – this may be the single least scientific survey ever conducted outside the pages of Cosmo – don’t worry about trying to game the results. It’s just a brain puzzle. And the only goal is to help pinpoint what your tastes are made of. Poke at the corners of your perspective. And maybe understand why other people love the stuff they love, hate the stuff they hate, NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE DISAGREE, So that maybe – just maybe – we’ll get to the place where “agreeing to disagree “ isn’t just an act of politeness, but a point of genuine insight into what makes us all tick. Which, to me, is the whole point of conversation.. Plus, it’ll be fun! Ready? HERE WE GO!

here's mine, with the things I agree with in bold. apologies in advance if any of the foul language slipped past my redacting.

1. I believe in God.

a) Yes
b) No
c) Maybe
d) Speaking!

2. The thing I’m most scared of is

a) spiders
b) Satan
c) aliens
d) ghosts
e) cancer
f) other people
g) sparkly vampires
h) the Mole People

3. The elements that most attract me in horror stories are

a) mood and atmosphere, conveyed by evocative language in fiction, and the camerawork, lighting, production design, sound design and music of film
b) the story itself, in its cleverness, its surprises, its narrative cohesion, and (hopefully) its point
c) a strong narrative voice and cohesive feel (writing in fiction, writing and directing in film)
d) engaging characters to root for or against
e) pacing, be it slow and mounting or rapid-fire
f) powerful scenes with exciting payoffs, be they physical, emotional, or conceptual
g) the sexing
h) the violencing
i) the special fx
j) redeeming social value
k) no redeeming social value
l) will to entertain
m) believability

4. I like my horror mixed with

a) hard science fiction (robots, spaceships, gizmos)
b) soft science fiction (human response to creepy scientific advancement)
c) mythic fantasy (other realms, or fanciful pasts)
d) modern fantasy (happening here and now)
e) romance
f) crime
g) action thrillers
h) comedy
i) epic tragedy
j) domestic drama
k) anatomy of a small town/big city/suburban/rural/outland area
l) political thriller
m) conspiracy theory
n) religion
o) war
p) western
q) spiritual quest
r) deep investigation of abnormal psychology
s) magic (or magick) realism
t) blistering social satire
u) Bizarro weirdness
v) slice-of-life realism
w) rich artistic symbolism
x) **** that fits no genre whatsoever
y) a PG rating
z) more horror, straight, no chaser.

5. When ******* characters horribly die, I think

a) “Yay! ####*** yourself!”
b) “Aw. See? Don’t you wish you’d been a nicer person?”
c) “What a senseless waste of human life.”
d) “What a senseless waste of my time.”
e) “I really like how their face caved in.”

6. I am drawn to horrific stories because

a) I am fundamentally haunted
b) I find beauty in the macabre
c) I feel the need to confront my demons
d) I am fascinated by the psychology of evil
e) I am trying to make sense of the dark side of existence
f) they totally crack me up
g) they say the things other stories won’t touch
h) I find them exciting
i) I’m afraid to die
j) they make me think
k) they make me feel
l) I get off on the violence
m) it’s cathartic
n) none of your goddam business
o) they make me glad to be alive
p) in the right hands, they’re astonishing pieces of art
q) I love a squalid wallow in senseless atrocity
r) I hate the world, and wish it would die screaming
s) I believe in good and evil
t) I want good to win
u) I want evil to win
v) I wish we could get past this whole good-and-evil thing, and tell more stories that bust down the barriers, bring in not just the gray areas, but all the incredible colors in between, showing life and death as a continuum of meaning, in which everyone and everything has a part
w) the simple fact that I love them annoys other people
x) I have no idea, I just do
y) I love all kinds of stories
z) horror stories are the best

7. Rape scenes make me

a) incredibly upset
b) stick my hand in my pants
c) want to beat the **** out of whoever made me watch or read them
d) face the genuine horror of the act

8. When a character I really love is killed, I am

a) heartbroken
b) ready for narrative vengeance
c) blown away by the balls on this story
d) already posting my rage on Facebook

9. When I see a nice suburban family threatened by mayhem, I think

a) “Yay! **** you guys!”
b) “Wow. That’s a lot like me and my family.”
c) “Is anybody else incredibly tired of this story?”

10. I think horror is best when it’s

a) brilliantly presented by genuine artists, working at the top of their craft
b) so incompetent and stupid that I can’t stop laughing
c) honest
d) flashy
e) subtle
f) disgusting
g) enjoyed with friends
h) absorbed thoughtfully, alone or with a loved one who gets it
i) provoking me, and ****ing with my head big-time
j) providing comfort food for my insatiable lust to be entertained

11. I am offended by

a) stupid horror
b) graphic horror
c) boring horror
d) insensitive horror
e) cowardly horror
f) homogenized corporate horror
g) horror in which people like me are suddenly, somehow, the bad guys
h) horror presented by cynical people who think we’re too stupid to know how bad this story sucks

12. Monsters make me

a) smile
b) scared
c) wish they really exist
d) really glad they don’t really exist

13. I believe in ghosts, and the paranormal in general

a) a little
b) a lot
c) not even a little
d) I’m a ghost!

14. Watching or reading incredibly violent mayhem makes me

a) extremely uncomfortable
b) incredibly happy
c) want to do something else instead
d) want to kill somebody or thing
e) really glad that I’m not a violent person
f) really glad that it’s not happening to me
g) really glad it isn’t happening to someone I love
h) stick my hand in my pants

15. If I were a monster, I’d want to be a

a) sexy vampire
b) parasitic worm-thing
c) sexy werewolf
d) slavering cannibal redneck mutant
e) sexy ghost
f) alien creature with a huge, pulsating brain
g) sexy zombie (yes, they make those now)
h) enormous blob that melts and absorbs all life
i) sexy psychotic kill freak
j) Lovecraftian terror from beyond space
k) gremlin
l) Killer Klown From Outer Space
m) enormous insect
n) possessed household appliance
o) sexy demon
p) Dinosharktopus
q) Q, the Winged Serpent
r) sexy Cenobite
s) haunted house
t) creepy-ass doll
u) cuddly Frankenstein who’s nice to kids
v) unstoppable killing machine
w) sexy witch or warlock
x) dancing skeleton, playing a xylophone also made of bones
y) nature spirit, defending the earth from our mindless destruction
z) genuinely terrifying vampire, werewolf, ghost, zombie, demon, psychotic kill freak, etcetera, with all the candy-*** niceties stripped away, so that we remember how scary this stuff’s supposed to be

[ChildofOldLeech]

-A fun game anyone can play!

1. I believe in God.
b) No

2. The thing I’m most scared of is
e) cancer
f) other people

3. The elements that most attract me in horror stories are
a) mood and atmosphere, conveyed by evocative language in fiction, and the camerawork, lighting, production design, sound design and music of film
b) the story itself, in its cleverness, its surprises, its narrative cohesion, and (hopefully) its point
c) a strong narrative voice and cohesive feel (writing in fiction, writing and directing in film)
e) pacing, be it slow and mounting or rapid-fire
f) powerful scenes with exciting payoffs, be they physical, emotional, or conceptual
h) the violencing
l) will to entertain


4. I like my horror mixed with


a) hard science fiction (robots, spaceships, gizmos) b) soft science fiction (human response to creepy scientific advancement)
c) mythic fantasy (other realms, or fanciful pasts)
d) modern fantasy (happening here and now)
f) crime
i) epic tragedy
m) conspiracy theory
n) religion
p) western
t) blistering social satire
u) Bizarro weirdness
v) slice-of-life realism
w) rich artistic symbolism
x) ####e that fits no genre whatsoever
z) more horror, straight, no chaser.


5. When a hole characters horribly die, I think
a) “Yay! Go f yourself!”
c) “What a senseless waste of human life.”


6. I am drawn to horrific stories because

a) I am fundamentally haunted
b) I find beauty in the macabre
c) I feel the need to confront my demons
e) I am trying to make sense of the dark side of existence
g) they say the things other stories won’t touch
h) I find them exciting
j) they make me think
k) they make me feel
p) in the right hands, they’re astonishing pieces of art
x) I have no idea, I just do


6. Rape scenes make me
a) incredibly upset


7. When a character I really love is killed, I am
b) ready for narrative vengeance


8. When I see a nice suburban family threatened by mayhem, I think
b) “Wow. That’s a lot like me and my family.”
c) “Is anybody else incredibly tired of this story?”


9. I think horror is best when it’s
a) brilliantly presented by genuine artists, working at the top of their craft
c) honest
e) subtle
f) disgusting
h) absorbed thoughtfully, alone or with a loved one who gets it
i) provoking me, and f'ing with my head big-time


10. I am offended by
a) stupid horror
e) cowardly horror
f) homogenized corporate horror


11. Monsters make me

a) smile


12. I believe in ghosts, and the paranormal in general
c) not even a little


13. Watching or reading incredibly violent mayhem makes me
e) really glad that I’m not a violent person
f) really glad that it’s not happening to me
g) really glad it isn’t happening to someone I love


14. If I were a monster, I’d want to be a
b) parasitic worm-thing
h) enormous blob that melts and absorbs all life
j) Lovecraftian terror from beyond space
y) nature spirit, defending the earth from our mindless destruction
z) genuinely terrifying vampire, werewolf, ghost, zombie, demon, psychotic kill freak, etcetera, with all the candy-arse niceties stripped away, so that we remember how scary this is supposed to be