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A taste of my poetry.
A taste of my poetry.
Published by Doctor Dugald Eldritch
08-10-2014
A taste of my poetry.

All the embarrassing mediocrity that the Alchemist has published here has hereby been deleted for the benefit of wise poetry readers. -- Editor
9 Thanks From:
ChildofOldLeech (08-10-2014), Druidic (08-10-2014), Hideous Name (08-16-2014), luciferfell (08-10-2014), Mad Madison (08-16-2014), njhorror (08-11-2014), ramonoski (08-10-2014), Scottelot (09-24-2014), teguififthzeal (08-16-2014)
  #1  
By Druidic on 08-10-2014
Re: A taste of my poetry.

Personally, I found "The Hell-Worm" quite enjoyable with vivid and memorable imagery. Very nice, Hell-Ghost!
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  #2  
By teguififthzeal on 08-16-2014
Re: A taste of my poetry.

I think your poetry works very well within the genre that you boldly place yourself in. Mediocre doesn't fit here.
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  #3  
By teguififthzeal on 09-21-2014
Re: A taste of my poetry.

This is Thomas Wiloch inspired. I hope someone enjoys it!

The Optimist Mourns
1.

I have heard your whisper, your glass rattle of chilled jade.

2.

I have heard the grain of your applause under the floorboards.

3.

I have eaten the kitsch doll parts you have buried under the cemetery's rune marks.

4.

On my morning walks, I have seen the egg white of your eyes flip like shells breaking.

5.

So here I am, gazing skyward as always. You always distracted me from my meetings. And soon I will hit the ground, patiently waiting your return.
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  #4  
By Scottelot on 09-24-2014
A taste of my poetry.

Hello Hell-ghost, I'm a fan of all types of poetry, especially horror. Am also a novice. I read your first, The Hell Ghost, a couple times. I enjoyed the communication in your piece. The imagery describing inner/outer demons is striking, and compelling.
A changing rhyme scheme can be problematic in keeping reader engaged.
AABB
ABBA
ABAB
ABAB
is the current rhyme pattern, but I think it's totally doable to rework first and second stanzas to an ABAB scheme to lend cohesion. Feel free to use any of this if it works for you.

The Hell-Worm
"It is a horror of mortal flesh,
An abomination of slithering putrescence,
In which the living and dead flesh mesh,
That corrupts and destroys pure essence.

In twisted delirium of glistening red,
The charnel ooze that is strife
With the agonised faces of the dead -
That is the horror of your life.

It travels everywhere
Whence it can find fresh souls
And to those who stare -
Beware!
You shall no longer have goals.

O' God! It is coming!
Coming for me as I squirm
In dread of the oncoming
Beast that is the Hell-Worm."

Thanks for sharing your work.
Scott
Last edited by Scottelot; 09-27-2014 at 08:18 PM.. Reason: typo
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