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Old 09-26-2009   #41
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Re: Black Humour Passage of the Day

"Concert IV" from Stein og speil (Stone and Mirror) by Tor Ulven:
I never got to see a proper striptease. Not anything even remotely close. I was stupid and went to literary cafés and spent my time on artistic nonsense instead. Now it is too late. I am old and blind. I must content myself with hearing the garments fall. I dictated this.
Edit: Ulven is probably the Scandinavian author who most deserves a proper English translation. The literary world would never recover.

Last edited by Viva June; 09-26-2009 at 08:12 AM..
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Old 09-26-2009   #42
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Re: Black Humour Passage of the Day

Vision is the art of seeing things invisible. --Jonathan Swift

"Where I forgot myself in you,
you became thought..."
by Paul Celan
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Old 09-26-2009   #43
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Re: Black Humour Passage of the Day

I've studied hypochondria, and how greatly this study has pleased me! -- To tell the truth, my hypochondria is a special talent that consists in this: knowing how to draw from any incident in life, no matter what it might be called, the greatest quantity of poison for my personal use. Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

"Where I forgot myself in you,
you became thought..."
by Paul Celan
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Old 10-12-2009   #44
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Re: Black Humour Passage of the Day

From "Post" by Tor Ulven:
I live, therefore I am stupid. The posh lady lives, therefore she is stupid. Why can my stupidity not be united with hers? A stupid question.
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Old 10-13-2009   #45
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Re: Black Humour Passage of the Day

"If I go away, I said to myself, sitting in the iron chair, I shall simply be leaving a country whose absolute futility utterly depresses me every single day, whose imbecilities daily threaten to stifle me, and whose idiocies will sooner or later be the end of me, even without my illnesses. Whose political and cultural conditions have of late become so chaotic that they turn my stomach when I wake up every morning, even before I am out of bed. Whose indifference to the intellect has long since ceased to cause the likes of me to despair, but if I am to be truthful only to vomit. I shall be going away from a country, I told myself, sitting in my iron chair, in which everything that once gave pleasure to so-called thinking people, or at least made it possible for them to go on existing, has been expelled, expunged and extinguished, in which only the most primitive instinct for survival prevails and the slightest pretension to thought is stifled at birth. In which a corrupt state and a corrupt church join forces to pull at the endless rope which, with the utmost ruthlessness and callousness, they have for centuries wound round the neck of a blind and stupid people, a people imprisoned in its stupidity by its rulers. In which truth is trodden underfoot and lies are sanctified by all official organs as the only means to any end. I shall be leaving a country, I told myself, sitting in the iron chair, in which truth is not understood or quite simply not accepted, and falsehood is the only legal tender in all transactions. I shall be leaving a country in which the church practices hypocrisy and in which socialism, having come to power, practises exploitation, and in which art says whatever is acceptable to those two. I shall be leaving a country in which a people educated to stupidity allows its ears to be stopped by the church and its mouth by the state, and in which everything I hold sacred has for centuries ended up in the slop pails of the rulers. If I go away, I told myself, sitting in the iron chair, I shall only be going away from a country in which I no longer have any place and in which I have never found happiness. If I go away, I shall be going away from a country in which the towns stink and the inhabitants of the towns have become coarsened. I shall be going away from a country in which the language has become vulgar and the minds of those who speak this vulgar language have for the most part become deranged. I shall be going away from a country, I told myself, sitting in the iron chair, in which the only model of behavior is set by the so-called wild animals. I shall be going away from a country in which the darkest night prevails at noonday, and in which virtually the only people in power are blustering illiterates. If I go away, I told myself, sitting in the iron chair, I shall be leaving the disgusting, depressing and unconscionably filthy public lavatory of Europe. To go away, I told myself, sitting in the iron chair, means leaving behind me a country which for years has done nothing but afflict me with the most damaging depression and has taken every opportunity, no matter where or when, of insidiously and malignantly urinating on my head. But isn't it madness to think of going to Palma when I'm in such a state, and when my general condition doesn't even permit me to walk two hundred yards out of the door? I asked myself as I sat in the iron chair. As I sat there I thought first about Taormina and the Timeo, with Christina and her Fiat, then about Palma and the Melia, with the Canellas, their three-storey palace and their Mercedes. And suddenly, as I sat in the iron chair, I saw myself running through the narrow streets of Palma. Running through the streets! I cried out, sitting in the iron chair and clapping my hands to my head, when I'm not capable even of walking outside of my own house, let alone of running through the streets of Palma. For a sick man like me to entertain such and idea isn't just bordering on megalomania: such an idea is well beyond the border, it's sheer madness. And I couldn't get his madness out of my head. As I sat in the iron chair I couldn't call a halt to the madness and didn't even try. On the contrary, I indulged it to such an extent that I couldn't help shouting out the word mad."

-Thomas Bernhard (Concrete)
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Old 01-11-2010   #46
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Re: Black Humour Passage of the Day

Dorothy Parker: Resume

"Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live."


Quoted from Gary Lachman: The Dedalus Book of Literary Suicides. According to temperament and mood of the day, this could also be placed in the thread Pessimistic Passage of the Day.
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Old 05-31-2013   #47
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Re: Black Humour Passage of the Day


"Reality is the shadow of the word." -- Bruno Schulz
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Old 12-12-2013   #48
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Re: Black Humour Passage of the Day

For best effect the following poem should be read out loud.

"The Fall of the House of Usher" by Reed Whittemore

It was a big boxy wreck of a house
Owned by a classmate of mine named Rod Usher,
Who lived in the thing with his twin sister.
He was a louse and she was a souse.

While I was visiting them one wet summer, she died.
We buried her,
Or rather we stuck her in a back room for a bit,

meaning to bury her
When the graveyard dried.

But the weather got wetter.
One night we were both waked by a twister,
Plus a screeching and howling outside that
turned out to be sister
Up and dying again, making it hard for Rod to
forget her.

He didn't. He and she died in a heap, and I left

quick,

Which was lucky since the house fell in right after,
Like a ton of brick.



"Reality is the shadow of the word." -- Bruno Schulz
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Old 03-22-2014   #49
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Re: Black Humour Passage of the Day

“Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk.”
- Robert Bloch

Now I will try to keep awake. The fog.
~ Eric Basso, “The Beak Doctor”
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Old 03-23-2014   #50
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Re: Black Humour Passage of the Day


Now I will try to keep awake. The fog.
~ Eric Basso, “The Beak Doctor”
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