TLO Member Interview: Doctor Bantham

INTRODUCTION
Oh, yes. With utmost pleasure, I present my interview with Doc Bantham. I doubt he NEEDS any introduction from me, as he is a Person Of Some Slight Importance 'round these here parts...

1. Obviously, you are an admirer of Thomas Ligotti's works. So, how did you first come across his writing?

For some time, I had convinced myself that I had been introduced to the work of Thomas Ligotti in the same manner that Matt Cardin had experienced, being chance exposure to a paperback book in a retail environment. Apparently I had adopted Matt’s memory through a gauzy haze of long-term substance abuse and general intentional misdirection of my own collective recollections. However, during an enduring moment of clarity I recently recalled that I first learned of Ligotti through a mail-order catalog periodical from Mark Zeising. Mark spoke highly of this Ligotti fellow and I now distinctly recall agonizing over spending $10 for a trade paperback edition of TAROVFAOGT versus shelling out $35 for the hardcover variant. I went with the trade paperback. This was a decision that taints an otherwise brilliant move which I had been led into by the impeccable taste of Mark Z. At this time in my life I happened to be divorced, living in a dilapidated trailer and drinking my own body weight in bourbon once per week. This was no doubt a formula for disaster which I somehow managed to botch. I will never forget slitting the shrink, in spite of the fact that my sessions had been going so well, and viewing Tom’s signature betwixt the covers. It was my very first autographed book and I recall being very careful not to crack the spine when I read it. Thereafter, I ordered the Jove paperback edition of GRIMSCRIBE. An obsession had been unleashed, and there was no turning back.


2. How long have you been a fan of weird fiction? Also, how were you first introduced to this genre?

Both since my introduction to H.P. Lovecraft in early high school by way of a good friend and classmate, Mark Hoots. Mark first introduced me to weird fiction, the Call of Cthulhu RPG, punk rock and unnamable substances, to name a few sordid sorties into the subversive side of life. Thanks Mark!


3. If you were to choose, which Ligotti story is your absolute favorite, and why?

I am horrible at this, as my favorites shift with time, exposure and mood. I have the same problem with identifying all types of favorite sources and content. I am going to embrace evasiveness and say that it is both all of his stories as well as the story that he has not yet written. The mass of his collective body of work keeps whispering of greater secrets within each and without all. That is one mark of a great writer – to instill a faith in the reader that greatness is at the whim of the author’s fingertips. All of his stories approach me like a wayward child of my inner muse. Safe and sound, you have found your home. No need to wander aimlessly in the void of imagination.


4. Ligotti aside, what are some of your other favorite authors in this genre?

I must confess of a guilt which has haunted me to no end. I am certain that I read substantially less than the vast majority of folk here at TLO. That would certainly be true over the last few years. I have struggled with acute myopia since early childhood, which has always made reading laborious. A few short years back I experienced a detached retina in one eye and was at that time diagnosed with degenerative holes developing within the retina of the other. Surgery saved me from blindness, but my reading skills have been further diminished. Surprisingly, text from a computer screen seems easier to discern than print. This might help explain my continued obsessive work regimen here in lieu of spending more time reading, but it is no doubt detrimental to my long-term vision. Ironic contradiction is the paternal twin sister to the sharp edges of symmetry.

Having stated that, I would glance at my bookshelf and list Robert Aickman, Algernon Blackwood, Ramsey Campbell, Lord Dunsany, D.F. Lewis, Arthur Machen, H.P. Lovecraft and last but not least, Edgar Allan Poe. My daughter’s middle name is Annabel, in honor of the latter in the list and of my surname. I know I must have left out a few curiously obvious names. Sorry for this, but you must excuse my poor vision from this vantage point, you see. Perhaps the most conspicuous left out of this mix of standards would be Clark Ashton Smith, based on past polling. I am now convinced that I should have another go at CAS. My recollection of his craft is dreamy, at best. Perhaps he surpassed the desired effect on my feeble intellect.


5. And which stories most influenced you? At a young age (dependent on your answer to question two), and as your tastes changed with age?

Would “I do not recall” be considered a valid response? See tail-end of response to Question #2. I read Bram Stoker’s “Dracula” around the age of ten, though I suspect it may well have been a condensed Weekly Reader edition which I had ordered at elementary school. I do also distinctly recall the first HPL story that I read, being “The Rats in the Walls”. My tastes have only been augmented by exposure to new authors of a peculiar ilk, not by a roaming sense of restless intellect. Otherwise, I am the same person I hated in high school, only my hair is shorter and I can look people in the eye when I fake conversation.


6. As far as horror television shows over the years go, do you have any favorites? Any that had a lasting influence on you?

The Twilight Zone and Night Stalker were favorites early on. We did not have cable television in our household when I was growing up, therefore exposure was subject to whatever fell between the rabbit ears. Later on, I enjoyed the first few seasons of The X-Files immensely. Other than that, the video box is the greatest salt block ever invented. The cattle of humanity shall forever graze complacently in a great field of dubious vision, in lieu of looking inwardly and spying the eyes of others. And now the internet is meshing all mediums into a point of singular perception. Whether it becomes the grail of knowledge or a pillar of salt, this seems to remain to be seen. I am thirsty, how about you?


7. And what about movies?

The den is too far to traverse to in my current condition, and this holds the archives of my cinematic tastes. Many are on VHS, as I recall, which just might be as indicative of my age as my viewing habits these days. I reserve the right to remain evasive in the face of unrelenting latticework. This is too big a question for me to answer in the space of a singular buzz. Instead, I will recount early film memories from childhood. When I was four or five years old, I was fascinated by the traditional horror monsters. I kept a lime green folder bound with notebook paper featuring pasted cut-outs of Dracula, Frankenstein and the usual suspects. A few years later, there was a local television channel that featured a late night horror film slot titled “Friday Night Frights” or something generically reminiscent. The most memorable of the films that I recall would have been the original version of The Thing and Roman Polanski’s The Fearless Vampire Killers. Both of these scared the wits out of me. I avoided TFVK subconsciously for decades thereafter. I was both floored and mystified for other obvious reasons when I saw it in my thirties. I swear that I must have originally seen a rare cut of the director’s sinister variant when I was younger. I distinctly recall seeing a very different movie back then.


8. Okay, departing from this genre, what else do you like to read?

Having established that I read less than your average member, apart from weird fiction I enjoy J.G. Ballard and Harlan Ellison, to name two. However, each of these produce “weird” fiction, do they not? I encountered double vision after recognizing these two upon a bookshelf, and my aversion to list mania demands that I progress no further.


9. And aside from reading, what sort of activities do you enjoy?

I am a man undone without my family. My wife Shannon saved what life I can now claim. My children Seth and Millicent blatantly mock my lack of faith in the future of mankind. I could be proven wrong after all. Foremost with selfish endeavors would be music. I “play” guitar, bass and keyboards. I refer to my learning method as “self-distraught”. It is an automatic approach to playing which keeps expectations low and (in theory) sounds like a good excuse for my lack of inherent talent. Above all else, this is my calling – though it has mocked me since youth and the sting of the jeering muse has deepened with age.


10. Do you have a personal philosophy, an outlook on life, as it were?

I am a contradiction of convictions, and this above all outlays my outlook. I am an open-minded nihilist, a purveyor of unrequited dreams, a dogma martyr and a suicidal romantic. Need I say more?


11. Would you describe yourself as a believer in the possibility of the supernatural, or a skeptic?

I am definitely a heartbroken skeptic. My jaded perception of reality and a firm grasp on the ballast of logic has diminished my hope in anything more than the bump-in-the-daytime regimen of the banal.


12. What inspired you to put such diligent labors into maintaining TLO?

Initially, it was the disappearance of the site itself. After having forged a friendship with Jon Padgett, the founder of TLO, I soon found an outlet for my artistic longings. This site, though most likely to be outwardly perceived as a technical endeavor, has become my mainstay for creative focus. One of the neurotic tendencies which I subconsciously employ to relieve anxiety is to entomb myself within projects that are themselves mired in a seemingly endless array of mundane details. My professional life at this point is a much greater responsibility than I would have ever otherwise wished for, and the worries are all too often overwhelming, to be sure. While working on the site, I have complete control over reality. This perverse immersion to escape surface tension is one of many tools that I utilize to maintain the illusion of sanity. Is it working?


13. You are well-known among our membership for a quirky and ready wit: have you always had that, or did it develop over the years?

I cultivated it despairingly over disparate years in a garden of hunger and serve it upon occasion to sympathetic host organisms. I have extracted what wit I can manage by way of assuaging my insecurities with a mode of expression which mocks the imminent rejection of others not attuned to my discordant frequency. Please like me and humor yourself on my wasted breath in lieu of focusing on the jester in question.


14. Writers aside, any other heroes/idols, so to speak, be they fictional (Tarzan, for instance) or actual?

As a confirmed entity from mine own personal experience, I must foremost praise my mother. She has always remained resolute in selfless dedication to family. As an abstract, I must mention Ian Curtis, not only for the means meeting the end, but for following my inner voice by proxy.


15. Do you have any interesting folks hiding in your family tree? If so, what did they do, what are they known for?

In spite of the surname, I must answer no. Many of my immediate kinfolk come from the hills of Appalachia, and I have not yet managed to trace them back further. Interesting folk? Yes. They were known for surviving hardships while somehow maintaining a keen sense of humor in spite of their predicaments.


16. Are you a writer yourself? Or are you a creator in any other medium?

I am currently a writer of fragmented lyrics and automatic prose, exclusively. I have never attempted a short story or any other homage to modal conformance, though I fancy I might at some point under the guise of a pseudo-ego. Again, this abandonment of stylistic restrictions lends itself to a dodgy stance against the focus of criticism. I do also enjoy transient expression via ChatBox and FlashChat, with coffee in hand.


17. Ginger or Mary Ann?

Mary Ann, most definitely. Demure innocence over overt seduction, any day - any island.


18. Musically speaking, what are your tastes? A few of your favorite bands?

Another list? The Beatles, Big Black, Birthday Party, David Bowie, Johnny Cash, Nick Cave, The Chameleons UK, The Clash, Coil, Crime & The City Solution, The Cure, Current 93, Death in June, Devo, Bob Dylan, Echo and the Bunnymen, Interpol, The Jesus and Mary Chain, Joy Division, The Fall, My Bloody Valentine, New Order, Radiohead, Red Lorry Yellow Lorry, Sisters of Mercy, The Smiths and Wire, to name a few that seem to be occupying my hard drive with prominence. Damn it! There are many fine bands I have failed to mention, which of course would include most of the hip references I could have spun to detract from my apparent age.


19. Do you have a vivid recall of your dreams? Are your dreams astounding, or pedestrian?

In a period between 1993 and 1994, I was subjected to a horrific dream sequence featuring reoccurring themes of out of body experience and alien abduction – sometimes intertwined. Otherwise, I experience great periods of life without recall of dreams at all. My anxieties almost always awaken me with a resuscitative shock back to reality and I am off to gather more worries. The dreams themselves are typically abstract in detail but obvious in the subdued emotions they symbolize. Astounding pedestrians, walking the same treacherous path and repeatedly inviting dream vehicular homicide add infinitum. Residual memories of dreams haunt me with greater frequency as I grow older. They threaten to blend in with life experience and become indiscernible betwixt.


20. Anything you would like to add, perhaps something I didn't think to ask? (Boy, talk about lazy journalism!)

Only a hearty thanks for taking the initiative to conduct this series of interviews. It has been my pleasure, though at the expense of two fine bottles of wine (and a semi-sober session of proof-reading). Oh, I should also proclaim that I am not an alcoholic, in spite of the self-evident evidence. My personal interaction with TLO membership is sometimes reserved and often augmented by alcohol in order to placate my insecurities. I suppose that this confessional denial might sound like a paradox. I would certainly hope so, as I have a contradiction to live up to.