THE NIGHTMARE NETWORK
Go Back   THE NIGHTMARE NETWORK > Miscellanea > Members > Personal
Home Forums Content Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read Contagion Members Media Diversion Info Register
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes Translate
Old 07-30-2009   #1
Nemonymous's Avatar
Nemonymous
Grimscribe
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,403
Quotes: 0
Points: 138,064, Level: 100 Points: 138,064, Level: 100 Points: 138,064, Level: 100
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 71% Activity: 71% Activity: 71%
Warriors of Love

THE WARRIORS OF LOVE by PF Jeffery

http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2009/07/warriors-of-love-by-pf-jeffery.html

I have started above my real-time review of this twelve novel series at above link! Real-time, have I got enough of it left?

MY WEBSITE: www.nemonymous.com
Nemonymous is offline   Reply With Quote
6 Thanks From:
candy (08-09-2009), Daisy (07-30-2009), G. S. Carnivals (07-30-2009), Ligeia (08-09-2009), Mr. D. (08-20-2009), Neurospaston (07-30-2009)
Old 07-30-2009   #2
Odalisque's Avatar
Odalisque
Grimscribe
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,941
Quotes: 0
Points: 29,666, Level: 100 Points: 29,666, Level: 100 Points: 29,666, Level: 100
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 0% Activity: 0% Activity: 0%
Re: Warriors of Love

Thank you, Des!

Have I got enough real time left to write it all? ;)

Odalisque is offline   Reply With Quote
6 Thanks From:
candy (08-09-2009), Daisy (07-30-2009), G. S. Carnivals (07-30-2009), Mr. D. (10-05-2009), Neurospaston (07-30-2009), Spotbowserfido2 (08-07-2009)
Old 07-30-2009   #3
Odalisque's Avatar
Odalisque
Grimscribe
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,941
Quotes: 0
Points: 29,666, Level: 100 Points: 29,666, Level: 100 Points: 29,666, Level: 100
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 0% Activity: 0% Activity: 0%
Re: Warriors of Love

Here are Des's first comments:

Thursday, July 30, 2009
 
The ‘Warriors of Love’ by PF Jeffery
I hear it rumoured that this is to be a twelve novel series, making one gigantic novel. I believe it to be a highly significant work, judging by what I know of it already.

I have already commented on an earlier form of a different novel by this author HERE that as ‘Odalisque’ is being revised, I understand, and will form one of these twelve novels.

The first novel, recently completed, is: JANE

I intend to comment - in a modestly timely savouring - upon each chapter, as provided to me by the author. You can ask me a for a word document of each chapter at dflewis48@hotmail.com

The links to my comments will gradually appear below.

I shall be trying to prevent my previous knowledge of this work from affecting my approach to 'Jane'.

BOOK ONE
Chapter One: Modesty's Camp

Thursday, July 30, 2009

JANE by PF Jeffery (Chapter 1)

“Modesty Clay and I were lovers, although I never really knew her.”

That’s how JANE by PF Jeffery begins.

This seems to be a world with an unashamedly loving Sapphic ethos. Where ‘Goddess’ is conscientiously addressed rather than ‘God’ and there is reference to ‘blasphemous chapels’ from the past that seems to relate to Christianity.

I cannot stress this enough – the style is pure and limpid and evocative, and perfect. A striking ‘genius loci’ and atmosphere that only reading it will give you. The only phrase that brought me to a halt was “While the Empire depends on we who keep tally...” but I’m not sure how to improve it.  No perceived typos.

Jane Brewster is a form of Civil Servant, I gather, sent to audit the accounts of the army under Modesty Clay, involved in an intangible war. She also finds herself auditing Modesty’s eyes!  And she compares the bravery needed by the girl warriors and her own seemingly useless task of accountancy.

The main characters are emerging beautifully so far in my mind, but I wonder if there may be too many names in this first chapter for a reader like me to cope with. Only time will tell, how this pans out.  But I have confidence in the head-lease author who has given birth to Jane, the I-protagonist.
I just draw out one passage from many beautiful passages I could have chosen from this chapter:

“The mounted figures exerted a fascination – it was hard to look away for more than a few seconds at a stretch. Although they were obviously riding towards us, for a surprisingly long time their apparent size failed to increase. Then, it seemed suddenly, the horses and young women were much larger, closer.”

It reminded me, too, of a scene from the film ‘Lawrence of Arabia’.
 
And: 
“It’s better to be killed than never to live.”

And my responses:

Thank you.

One small correction. You write:

“…that as ‘Odalisque’ is being revised, I understand, and will form one of these twelve novels”

In fact, a revised and expanded ‘Odalisque’ is intended to form four of the twelve “Warriors of Love” novels (volumes 2, 5, 8 and 11). Of these, volume 2 is to be entitled ‘Margaret’ and volume 5 ‘Tuerqui’. The titles for volumes 8 and 11 have yet to be determined.

I agree that “While the Empire depends on we who keep tally...” is a rather angular clause. It seems that Jane is here (unusually) being at least a little pompous. There were a number of similar turns of phrase, but the others were (I think and hope) all replaced by more rounded wordage. Having given this a little thought, I have changed “we” to “us”. With that small change it reads much better:

“While the Empire depends on us who keep tally...”

This seems both less pompous and better grammar.

I agree that there are rather a lot of named characters in the first chapter. It is my hope that this reflects something of the bewilderment of a first day in a new school. (Or in this case in an army camp, but it comes down to the same thing.) Quite a few of those mentioned don’t actually appear in this chapter – notably Jane’s work colleagues. This reflects Jane’s home sickness – pondering familiar people. I hope, too, that when these characters actually appear, they will seem (at least slightly) familiar to the reader. Also, their mention here may make Jane seem more rooted in the city of Berenice from which she has come.

By contrast (if I recall correctly) Chapter 2 is a lot quieter in this regard – concerned largely with Jane’s interactions with just three people.

Odalisque is offline   Reply With Quote
4 Thanks From:
candy (08-09-2009), Ligeia (08-09-2009), Mr. D. (08-20-2009), Neurospaston (07-30-2009)
Old 08-07-2009   #4
Odalisque's Avatar
Odalisque
Grimscribe
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,941
Quotes: 0
Points: 29,666, Level: 100 Points: 29,666, Level: 100 Points: 29,666, Level: 100
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 0% Activity: 0% Activity: 0%
Re: Warriors of Love

Today I completed work on "The Warriors of Love" Volume 2 Chapter 2. It concerns the narrator's childhood. The precise course of action seems difficult for me to predict. A couple of days ago, I wrote about a piece of minor mischief from which I expected my narrator to escape without punishment. And yet, to my surprise, she was spanked for it. I went to bed that night feeling sure that she was about to receive a far more severe spanking for a piece of worse behaviour. And yet, to my surprise, she escaped from this larger piece of naughtiness without retribution. Maybe it shows how capricious adults are. Not even their author can predict their reactions.

Odalisque is offline   Reply With Quote
4 Thanks From:
candy (08-09-2009), G. S. Carnivals (08-07-2009), Mr. D. (10-05-2009), Spotbowserfido2 (08-07-2009)
Old 08-08-2009   #5
Odalisque's Avatar
Odalisque
Grimscribe
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,941
Quotes: 0
Points: 29,666, Level: 100 Points: 29,666, Level: 100 Points: 29,666, Level: 100
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 0% Activity: 0% Activity: 0%
Re: Warriors of Love

It's strange how writing works. After writing the passage in which my narrator unexpectedly escapes a spanking (see my last post) I inserted a passage which explained why her mother was in a good mood. But I didn't do this deliberately.

What I didn't think: "Her mother's in a good a good mood. Why is that? Oh yes. I'll put that in..."

What I did think: "This passage seems a bit bare. Let's put in a bit of extra business." Then the business seemed to develop naturally. Only after it was written did I think: "Oh, so that's why her mother was in a good mood!"

The best material (and the material that makes the novel make sense) seems to bubble up from an unconscious level. I feel almost like a spectator to the writing process.

Odalisque is offline   Reply With Quote
4 Thanks From:
candy (08-09-2009), G. S. Carnivals (08-08-2009), Mr. D. (10-05-2009), Spotbowserfido2 (08-10-2009)
Old 08-09-2009   #6
Nemonymous's Avatar
Nemonymous
Grimscribe
Threadstarter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,403
Quotes: 0
Points: 138,064, Level: 100 Points: 138,064, Level: 100 Points: 138,064, Level: 100
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 71% Activity: 71% Activity: 71%
Re: Warriors of Love

Quote Originally Posted by Odalisque View Post
The best material (and the material that makes the novel make sense) seems to bubble up from an unconscious level. I feel almost like a spectator to the writing process.
For me, this is all very related to the Intentional Fallacy and Nemonymity that I have been going on about for donkey years.

MY WEBSITE: www.nemonymous.com
Nemonymous is offline   Reply With Quote
3 Thanks From:
candy (08-09-2009), G. S. Carnivals (08-10-2009), Mr. D. (10-05-2009)
Old 08-10-2009   #7
Odalisque's Avatar
Odalisque
Grimscribe
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,941
Quotes: 0
Points: 29,666, Level: 100 Points: 29,666, Level: 100 Points: 29,666, Level: 100
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 0% Activity: 0% Activity: 0%
Re: Warriors of Love

Des' comments, and my counter-comments, on "Jane" ("Warriors of Love" volume 1) can be read here:

DF Lewis: The 'Warriors of Love' by PF Jeffery

Odalisque is offline   Reply With Quote
3 Thanks From:
G. S. Carnivals (08-10-2009), Mr. D. (10-05-2009), Spotbowserfido2 (08-10-2009)
Old 08-20-2009   #8
Odalisque's Avatar
Odalisque
Grimscribe
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,941
Quotes: 0
Points: 29,666, Level: 100 Points: 29,666, Level: 100 Points: 29,666, Level: 100
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 0% Activity: 0% Activity: 0%
Re: Warriors of Love

Here is an abridged version of my counter-comments to Des' comments on the First Entr'acte of "Jane"...

And this is a link to the comments and counter-comments on the chapter (in full):

Notification Registration

(NB: In what follows, the reader will find a brief quotation from a draft chapter from “The Warriors of Love” Volume 2, and (at the end) a longer one from a draft for “The Warriors of Love” Volume 5. Both Volume 2 and Volume 5 cover parts of the action that was formerly the novel “Odalisque”. But the reader will look in vain for either quotation in “Odalisque”. Both quotations are comprised of new material from the revision and expansion of the former “Odalisque”. Consider the quotes previews, perhaps, but they are not spoilers.)

I hope that gynogenesis will become clearer. It is mentioned again, later in Jane, and will also figure in later “Warriors of Love” novels. Chronologically, the first mention will be in “The Warriors of Love” Volume 2 Chapter 4 with this:

“In Surrey, Margaret, very clever women are working on a thing they call gynogenesis – something to allow two women to make baby.”

(This is draft text, possibly subject to change.)

That (Volume 2 Chapter 4) is set about twenty years before the action of “Jane”. In the planned Volume 3 (“Daisy”) the narrator, Daisy Diamond, will be a product of the gynogenesis process. (“Daisy” is to be set about twenty years after “Jane”… “The Warriors of Love” should cover more than seventy years in total.)

Berenice’s daughter should become important in some later volumes of “The Warriors of Love”. Volumes 6, 9, 10 and 12 are likely to be set during her reign as Empress. She should also be an adult (although not yet Empress) in volumes 3, 4 and 7. In how many of these volumes she will figure as a significant character is a matter yet to be determined – certainly some of them, and possibly all.

I don’t think that, in “The Warriors of Love” it is (or will be) necessary for readers to bother their pretty heads over much beyond the three narrators’ immediate concerns. The politics do much to shape the world in which the characters live, and shape their lives. Many details will be available, but the reader does not necessarily need constantly to bear them in mind. Some readers, I hope, will delight in the minutiae and mechanics of the world of “The Warriors of Love”, others will prefer to live in the moment. The series is designed to work either way. My hope is that, however it is read, the details of its world will give the text a richness that all readers can enjoy.

I think (although, in the context, it concerns throwing up) “Never throw into the wind” is a general piece of nautical wisdom. It applies as much to throwing a bucket of slops over the side as it does to throwing the contents of one’s stomach.

I have a vague memory of Pussycat Willum – children’s television from the first half of the 1960s. But I don’t recall the name Muriel Young from that context. Still, the names ‘Muriel’ and ‘Young’ fit together well enough for them to have repeatedly occurred in combination.

Here, I will note that I’ve made some effort to achieve a certain euphony with combinations of first and last names. I didn’t have the luxury of carefully considering each for as many months as (I hope) parents do, but neither did I insert the names without due consideration.

Finally, “essentral” is correct. The essentral matriarchs are the traditional middle class of Surrey. Their values are a major factor in Surrey’s having survived and prospered, in spite of being surrounded by enemies. A number of important “Warriors of Love” characters are from essentral matriarch stock, including Empress Berenice, Lady Isobel and Jane herself. However much these characters have adopted new values proper to the imperial age, those of the essentral matriarchs continue to inform their outlook.

The word “essentral” is fully explained in this passage of dialogue (from a draft for “Warriors of Love” Volume 5 Chapter 17):

“In her trade, she’d either be that, or one of the common folk. No essentral matriarch would run a whorehouse.”

“Sorry, mistress, but if it doesn’t make me sound too much like Tuerquelle, what’s an essential matriarch?”

“Tuerqui, the fact that you’ve said it wrongly makes you sound even more like Tuerquelle,” she said, laughing. “It’s essentral not essential. And the essentral matriarchs are Surrey’s traditional middle class. I suppose the term means that they’re both central to and the essence of Surrey society.”

“It’s strange that I haven’t come across the word before, mistress, if they’re the essence of Surrey society. I’ve lived in this country for a long time, now.”

“Not so very strange, Tuerqui. The essentral matriarchs don’t have much to do with slaves. Their values include simplicity and self-reliance. My mother never had a slave in the house.”

“You’re an essentral matriarch, mistress?”

“I come from essentral matriarch stock, Tuerqui, which is not quite the same thing. Your father’s slavers took me from that world and – one way or another – slavery has been my business ever since. And, anyway, the world is changing.”

Odalisque is offline   Reply With Quote
2 Thanks From:
G. S. Carnivals (08-20-2009), Mr. D. (10-05-2009)
Old 08-29-2009   #9
Odalisque's Avatar
Odalisque
Grimscribe
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,941
Quotes: 0
Points: 29,666, Level: 100 Points: 29,666, Level: 100 Points: 29,666, Level: 100
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 0% Activity: 0% Activity: 0%
Re: Warriors of Love

Here is the opening of "Warriors of Love" Volume 2 Chapter 4:

Chapter 4

In which I learn several things of which my mother would disapprove.

Rain rattled loudly on the library windows, the noise drowned by an explosion, as though a goddess’ kitchen shelves had collapsed, cascading her pans to a hard surface. Sudden and stark illumination fell upon serried bookshelves, massed dusty spines – lightning following the thunder all but immediately – then shadows seemingly darker than before. The room smelt of candle grease and bees wax. My bottom was sore, from riding not spanking.

Odalisque is offline   Reply With Quote
3 Thanks From:
G. S. Carnivals (08-29-2009), Mr. D. (10-05-2009), Spotbowserfido2 (08-29-2009)
Old 08-30-2009   #10
Odalisque's Avatar
Odalisque
Grimscribe
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,941
Quotes: 0
Points: 29,666, Level: 100 Points: 29,666, Level: 100 Points: 29,666, Level: 100
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 0% Activity: 0% Activity: 0%
Re: Warriors of Love

Here is another excerpt from "The Warriors of Love" Volume 2 Chapter 4:

Light glinted on the puddles, hoof depressions and long ruts left by the dragging of timber. Brown fallen leaves carpeted the drier ground. Where mud had been churned, they were mushed, almost black. Massed birdsong echoed loudly, a great harmony in which it was difficult to distinguish different species, much less separate throats.

Not far from Ashing-Don, on the bank of a stream, swollen after the rain, Miss Fletcher raised her hand to signal our lunch break. Dismounting, we took food from the saddlebags, providing beast flake to our ponies before attending to our own comfort. Eventually, we seated ourselves on a fallen tree trunk – munching on apples and sandwiches. At first, our conversation was of whether we should venture much further before turning back.

“Miss Fletcher,” I said when the topic lapsed, “can I talk to you about something.”

“Not about today’s ride?”

“No – something else.”

“Something you hesitate to mention? Why?”

“Because you’re the only person I trust, Miss Fletcher.”

“In the war between children and adults you want to parley under a flag of truce, I suppose.”

“What do you mean, Miss Fletcher?”

“In a war, a party of soldiers can ride up to their enemies with a white flag. Then they can talk, with nobody trying to kill one another. I’ll make you white flag.”

Miss Fletcher removed a spotless white handkerchief from her jacket pocket. Rising from the log, she found an almost straight stick to which she knotted two corners of the cloth. She handed me the result, smiling. Having smiled back, I frowned.

“But we wouldn’t try to kill one another, Miss Fletcher,” I said. “Would we?”

“No, Margaret. At least, I hope not. But, while you hold the white flag, there’ll be no risk of spankings. Because, I sense, this conversation is headed in that direction. Or am I wrong?”

“No, Miss Fletcher, you’re right… You wouldn’t spank me no matter what?”

Odalisque is offline   Reply With Quote
Thanks From:
Mr. D. (10-05-2009)
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
love, warriors

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Love in Wartime Druidic Poetry 2 07-21-2015 12:43 PM
Love Songs sundog Various 33 11-25-2012 06:56 PM
Strange Love Tsalal Akbar Rants & Ravings 4 03-22-2011 03:44 PM
Love Exposure Ligeia Film 1 10-08-2009 09:09 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:54 PM.



Style Based on SONGS OF A DEAD DREAMER as Published by Silver Scarab Press
Design and Artwork by Harry Morris
Emulated in Hell by Dr. Bantham
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Template-Modifications by TMS