A few reviews

[Ligrotesque]

Re: Kingdom Of The Spiders - 1977 - USA

Wow, I would have bet that this was a TV movie. I loved the TV horror movies of the 70s and early 80s although they are almost uniformly bad except Salem's Lot, Dark Night of the Scarecrow, Night Stalker, and perhaps Harvest Home, although I have not seen the later since it was on TV so that may be just as bad as the others. I always believed that Wolfen was a TV movie as it sort of felt that way and that was the 1st place that I saw it. Wolfen was pretty good as well.

Kingdom Of The Spiders - 1977 - 5/10

Shatner alert.
A rancher’s calf is dead. Calls the vet – first name Rack, please – who discovers it was killed by spider venom.
Right quick, an arachnologist hits the scene. Female and attractive (remember, this is a Shatner flick).
Soon, more livestock is killed, and even A DOG!
A humongous spider mound is discovered, and our experts decide:
“Ooh, I guess some gasoline will take care of business.”
Definitely a cult winner, this holds up – IF – you don’t think too much.
Despite being a theatrical release, this feels like a TV movie.

 

[Zaharoff]

Alex Hugo - 2014 - France

Alex Hugo - 2014 - 6/10

Ex-Marseille police detective Hugo, fed up with city violence, moves to the tranquil countryside.
Alas, the bucolic setting turns out to be another Cabot Cove (sans JB Fletcher), and just as lethal.
Cult suicides, runaways killed, axe murders.
Bears more than a passing resemblance to Midsomer Murders.
By the end of 3 episodes, an ensemble has been built around the burly Hugo.
Rugged mountain scenery is the attraction here.
Mysteries themselves are routine, and series seems low on energy.

 

[Zaharoff]

Cold Heart - 2024 - USA

Cold Heart - 2024 - 5/10

Ethan hires on at the Y2K Cryo Lab. Dr. Olivia is his dismissive superior.
Patient after patient after patient winds up in Waste Management.
Amusing short does not outstay its visit.
More silly than engaging. Entry in the Sato48 Competition.

 

[Zaharoff]

Dune 2 - 2024 - USA

Dune 2 - 2024 - 7/10

The initial film was so tedious, I barely stayed awake, never bothered to scribble a review.
Followup is action galore! Conflicts and strategies, on the battlefront and within the royals.
Paul Atreides, as the perceived messiah, Lisan al Gaib, unifies the southern tribes.
The path to jihad sprawls open.
One can easily view a proxy conflict between the decadent West and fundamentalist worshipers over a precious resource. Spice / oil.
Filmmakers skirt this issue as best they can, although they can neither disguise nor bury it.
Likewise, the sense of feudalism, which is today’s simmering infection, ignored or unseen.
A dense film, carefully updated from Herbert’s novel, to make a narrative more palatable to current sensibilities.

 

[Zaharoff]

Alligator - 1980 - USA

Alligator - 1980 - 6/10

Kids, there’s a reason why you don’t buy baby gators in Florida.
They grow fast, and sooner or later you’ll just flush ’em down the toilet.
Where, in the sewers, they eat rats, fish, garbage, or lab animal carcases, juicy with growth chemicals.
Here, humans disappear and a jinxed detective is assigned the case.
Hokey creature feature is more fun than expected.
Most memorable is Henry Silva as an arrogant “sportsman” (animal killer).
Comparisons with Jaws? No.

 

[Zaharoff]

Ilsa, Harem Keeper Of The Oil Sheiks - 1976 - Canada

Ilsa, Harem Keeper Of The Oil Sheiks - 1976 - 5/10

Just when you assumed our notorious commandant perished with the destruction of Stalag 13.
Goes to prove, you can’t keep a sadistic mistress down for long.
Ilsa works for Sheikh El-Sharif, managing his white slave harem.
Like any boot camp drill instructor, her task is to prep new arrivals; here, for market auction.
By any means necessary.
While more over-the-top than She Wolf Of The SS, this lacks the bite and trappings of that film.
Wait a minute! She died, correct?
In the commentary, it was revealed producers assumed audiences would not remember.

 

[Zaharoff]

Hardly A Criminal - 1946 - Argentina

Hardly A Criminal - 1946 - 6/10
AKA - Apenas un Delincuente

Even as a boy, Moran had been impatient.
Later, a man who favored expensive suits, nightclubs and horse races.
He could not afford the wardrobe, nor the cabaret. And his horse picks were all nags.
Worse, the loan sharks are hounding him.
Moran works in the bank, however, and embezzlement proves an easy out.
Even after he is caught, sentenced to prison, he has a plan.
All it requires is patience.
Yet, Moran has always been impatient.
Outstanding Argentinian Noir. (Wikipedia plot summary inaccurate)

 

[Zaharoff]

Fascism On A Thread: The Strange Story Of Nazisploitation Cinema - 2019 - USA

Fascism On A Thread: The Strange Story Of Nazisploitation Cinema - 2019 - 6/10

Interesting, if watery documentary on bizarre subgenre.
From classy productions like Rome, Open City and Night Porter.
To grindhouse faves such as Salon Kitty and Ilsa, She Wolf Of The SS.
Into completely disreputable and inept nonsense such as SS Girls and Elsa.
Two camps of exploitation studied: Italian fare and US.
As always, talking heads and aging participants share histories, observations and anecdotes.
Perhaps there just weren’t that many Nazi exploitation flicks made, as this seems lightweight.
Note: After Dyanne Thorne retired, she became a Las Vegas minister.
Want to get married by Ilsa instead of Elvis? In SS attire? She does that.

 

[Zaharoff]

Under Paris - 2024 - France

Under Paris - 2024 - 6/10
AKA - Sous la Seine

An opener in the North Pacific, under the massive floating island of human garbage.
Prowling underneath, a shark. A big one, really big, and aggressive.
A team of shark biologists descend … and … miscalculate.
Three years on, survivor Sophia works in Paris, and a team of save-the-earth types advise her of a shark in the Seine.
There is also an upcoming triathlon (yo, swimming) spectacle.
Excellent shark film, chasing Deep Blue Sea and The Shallows, so long as you do not overthink.
Low scores likely hail from the Sharknado or Meg contingent, hoping for more splop.
I live with two shark obsessed females, who always, always, root for the shark.

 

[Zaharoff]

The Vengeful Beauty - 1978 - Hong Kong

The Vengeful Beauty - 1978 - 6/10
AKA - Xue fu Rong // 血芙蓉

Straight off, evil is afoot. Bookshops are raided, books burned, booksellers beheaded.
Their families, too. And the writers, and the publishers, and proofreaders.
The emperor does not like criticism, let alone readers, for that matter.
On a pilgrimage to honor her old master, Yung is away when her family is massacred.
Fleeing, she receives help from a fellow student, as well as a repentant assassin.
In pursuit, the Flying Guillotine squad!
Of course, swordplay abounds, including one topless fight.
Camera work is creative throughout, from angles to perspectives.

 

[Zaharoff]

Cyrano, My Love - 2018 - France

Cyrano, My Love - 2018 - 7/10
AKA - Edmond

Despite a powerful champion in Sarah Bernhardt, Edmond Rostand’s first play is a flop.
Dusting himself off, Edmond begins a new play. Two years on, the words still don’t come.
Until he catches sight of friend Léo’s girlfriend, Jeanne, who acts as his muse.
Whereupon he begins to write about novelist, musketeer, swordsman, Cyrano de Bergerac.
Story moves into “let’s put on a play” territory. 42nd Street (1933), Babes In Arms (1939), A Midwinter's Tale (1995), Shakespeare In Love (1998) are merely a sampling of a formidable list.
Set in 1897 Paris, the story generates romance, comedy, sparkling dialogue, and theatrical tropes.

 

[Zaharoff]

Zorro’s Black Whip - 1944 - USA

Zorro’s Black Whip - 1944 - 6/10

After the Black Whip is killed, sister Barbara takes the mask, whip and pistol and carries on.
Location, Idaho, on the verge of statehood, unless a wealthy land baron can stop that.
He’s got all sort of illegal money making enterprises which would end once the Feds arrived.
“Shoot, we reckoned we killed him.” Nor do they realize the female body differs from a male.
Republic serial has NOTHING to do with South of the border, Mexico, let alone Zorro.
Production values are routine, cliffhangers range from decent to cheating.
Stunts and action are good.
As with all serials, take your time and watch an episode before your main flick.

 

[Zaharoff]

The Lickerish Quartet - 1970 - Italy

The Lickerish Quartet - 1970 - 6/10

The wealthy gentry depart their castle to stroll the visiting circus / carnival.
One of the performers is a daredevil cyclist, who, after removing the helmet, eerily resembles the female in an erotic film the family had been viewing previously.
Naturally, they invite her back inside the stone walls for a get-to-know you session.
Beautiful locations, attractive cast, and a strange plot of misdeeds and fantasy.
Arthouse softcore, for connoisseurs of such, suffers from slow pacing.
To be honest, I imagine one is supposed to observe and ponder the proceedings.
Early Radley Metzger that I have viewed several times, still unable to grasp, if I am even supposed to.

 

[Zaharoff]

History With A Small H - 2023 - Canada

History With A Small H - 2023 - 6/10
AKA - L'Histoire en Minuscules

Grandmother Hortense moves in, to the annoyance of recent high school grad, Flora.
Hortense is frail, elderly, her cognition failing. For Flora, dead weight.
Until mother tells Flora to start clearing up Grandma’s boxes for removal.
There are the vintage clothes. Who knew Grandmother had such style?
Then the journals, which Flora begins reading. She begins to “see” the actual person.
A life of joys and despairs. Small moments along with life changing events.
To reawake fading memories, Flora begins to reenact stray milestones.
Brief, charming series may resonate with those who witness a loved one slowly disappear.

 

[Zaharoff]

Local Hero - 1983 - UK

Local Hero - 1983 - 7/10

The Texas oil giant sends the young Turk to Scotland to acquire land for a potential refinery.
Arriving in the Scottish village, the impatient exec, Mac, has to downshift his pace and expectations.
Residents stand to make a lot of money, should they abandon their homes, and way of life.
A leisurely film, beguiling, that pulls one into its spell.
Various spells, actually, as this is sprinkled with eccentrics and the landscape is one of mist and magic.
A comedy, with a melancholy undertone.
Haunting experience, better watched with all distractions checked.

 

[Zaharoff]

The Revenge Of Frankenstein - 1958 - UK

The Revenge Of Frankenstein - 1958 - 6/10

Not the “monster” but the scientist, Dr. Frankenstein.
Escaping justice, the medical man relocates and now goes by Dr. Stein.
Wealthy clientele pad the purse, and he does charity work among the poor (ready supply of spare parts).
With a new apprentice, experimentation into creating Life continues.
The plot moves in unexpected directions, and Peter Cushing and Francis Matthews make a strong team.
Solid Hammer film, glossy looking and intelligent.

 

[Zaharoff]

Murders In Figeac - 2023 - France

Murders In Figeac - 2023 - 5/10
AKA - Meurtres à Figeac

Suspend disbelief immediately.
This opens in a cave, lit by pitch torches, where an ancient Egyptian mummification ritual is underway.
The soon-to-be corpse is the first kill.
In time, there is an Anubis mask wearing person, as well as scrolls of hieroglyphics posted in daylight.
Meantime, by chance, a prosecutor visits Figeac to attend her wayward husband’s funeral.
Please, who sells pitch torches? Ebay? Who sells lengthy scroll paper? Arts & craft shop? Go there!
Events in broad daylight. No witnesses? Not one?
Diverting mystery while underway. Afterward, wait a minute …

 

[Zaharoff]

A Trip Down Market Street - 1906 - USA

A Trip Down Market Street - 1906 - 6/10

Shot from a cable car heading toward San Francisco’s Embarcadero.
Lensed by the Miles Brothers, apparently days before the earthquake destroyed much of the city.
Several automobiles appear again and again, suggesting staging or contrivance.
Various prints of this are out there.
From black and white with no sound, to saturated colors and robust sound mixes.
For non-purists, a middle ground restoration of some audio effects and minimal color retouching might be best.
Mesmerizing time capsule.

 

[Zaharoff]

The Wasp Woman - 1959 - USA

The Wasp Woman - 1959 - 5/10

Everyone wants to stay young, or at least look young.
Including the owner of a cosmetics firm who decides to test a new youth serum derived from wasp enzymes.
Test on who? Why herself, you silly innocent.
And will there be unexpected side-effects?
Silly film from Mr. Corman moves fast, and to be fair has its moments, but it is laughable.
Not being there, I suspect this played better in a 1959 drive-in, rather than from a living room couch.
Note: Star Susan Cabot’s story makes for an engrossing read.

 

[Zaharoff]

The Last Wave - 2019 - France

The Last Wave - 2019 - 6/10
AKA - La Dernière Vague

Lovely day to go surfing, even with that overhead cloud doing a rotisserie turn.
Until the cloud suddenly descends to the waves and the surfers vanish.
Hours later, they stagger to the shore, and … we find out … are magically altered.
Some can breath underwater, some can heal, others can “see”.
Meantime, the village has its squabbles, betrayals, conflicts, and ecological disasters.
Ending is something of a head-scratcher, which those who watch wider fare are accustomed to.
Big logical error is the omnipresent cloud attracts no crowds, no press, no internet egoists.