A few reviews

[Zaharoff]

The Hidden - 1987 - USA

The Hidden - 1987 - 6/10

Los Angeles cops have their hands full with a spree murderer.
Mild mannered citizen, only he is now a raging killer.
After an onslaught of bullets, the perp is taken to hospital, where he is expected to die.
He expires, except what possessed him jumps.
An alien body jumper, with a taste for Ferraris, automatic weapons, and carnage.
Enter an FBI agent, knowledgeable about the quarry, in whatever host.
Wild SciFi, Horror, buddy cop flick, years ahead of its time.

 

[Zaharoff]

Tiger - 2013 - Poland

Tiger - 2013 - 5/10
AKA - Tygrys

She may look human to us, but she is the cat of the house.
Territorial and fiercely protective. Her human is HER human.
Woe to any other female who encroaches on her home. Or mates with her male staff.
Olszańska eerily emulates the feline, although the short borders on objectification.

 

[Zaharoff]

Black Dynamite - 2009 - USA

Black Dynamite - 2009 - 7/10

Combat vet, and ex-agency operative, returns to street action after his brother is killed.
Who ya gonna trust? Pimps, drug dealers, government honchos?
Everyone is victim, everyone is guilty in no-holds-barred parody / homage.
One doesn’t need to be fluent in Blaxploitation flicks, but it wouldn’t hurt.
If nothing else, check out Shaft, then Dolemite.
Laugh out loud funny throughout, and the “look” (16mm) is vintage gold.

 

[Athammaus]

San Francisco - 1968 - UK

San Francisco - 1968 - 6/10

Experimental film by Anthony Stern dashes through every nuance of the Bay city.
Police, hippies, military, office workers, day time, night time, everyday activities, orgiastic happenings.
Flits through neighborhoods like a dragonfly on amphetamines.
The pace is frantic, fueled by an early version of Pink Floyd’s “Interstellar Overdrive”.
Cuts are so dizzying and blurry, you might wish you had dropped Owsley’s acid.

Having been born in the Bay Area and living there during the 60s and 80s-90s, San Francisco has been a major part of my life. The wife and I still go there once or twice a year.

"Flits through neighborhoods like a dragonfly on amphetamines"...

This one sounds like required viewing, for me.

 

[Zaharoff]

Smashing Time - 1967 - UK

Smashing Time - 1967 - 5/10

Two young Northern birds arrive in Swinging London.
Fame and glamor beckon, until they realize they have been robbed.
They manage to get “hostessing” jobs, but success continues to sidestep them.
English slapstick seems like a mad cousin to the “Carry On” films.
Terrific cast, crazy 60’s look, yet everything is too much.
No real meat, while everyone tries so very hard.

 

[Zaharoff]

Der Bomberpilot - 1970 - Germany

Der Bomberpilot - 1970 - 5/10

Near the end of the Third Reich, the cabaret trio keep performing.
After the war, they struggle together and independently to find work.
Pastry shop, stenographer, one seeks a position at a retirement home for dogs.
Eventually, they reform as a cabaret trio, reviving their old act for Yanks.
Audio is out of sync (deliberately), numerous wardrobe malfunctions.
Tone ranges from comic to ironic to jeering.
English subtitles = https://sub-scene.com/subtitle/3373033

 

[Zaharoff]

Having been born in the Bay Area and living there during the 60s and 80s-90s, San Francisco has been a major part of my life. The wife and I still go there once or twice a year.

"Flits through neighborhoods like a dragonfly on amphetamines"...

This one sounds like required viewing, for me.

Forty years on (2008), there was a reworked, more psychedelic version.
San Francisco Redux: No 1. On my endless "to-view" list, but I have been unable to find.

https://en.kinorium.com/450474/

 

[Zaharoff]

Hold Me While I’m Naked - 1966 - USA

Hold Me While I’m Naked - 1966 - 5/10

“The only things in life worth living for.”
The fantasies and restrictions of the indie director.
From encounters behind stained glass to shaking antennas to banal mealtime.
Experimental film manages to be sexy, funny and depressing.

 

[Zaharoff]

Beyond The Poseidon Adventure - 1979 - USA

Beyond The Poseidon Adventure - 1979 - 4/10

The capsized liner from 1971 ain’t sunk yet!
Arrive, the jackals and hyenas … uh … salvage boats and profiteers.
The two sides, each declaring to help, soon help themselves.
Until greed takes over.
Inept, cheap sequel (more a remake) wastes a huge cast in boring disaster film.

 

[Zaharoff]

Mario Cantone: Laugh Whore - 2005 - USA

Mario Cantone: Laugh Whore - 2005 - 5/10

Standup routine before a sympathetic audience.
Catone jabs his Italian upbringing, mocks a bit of current events, kicks the South.
His impersonations are first rate:
Streisand, Hepburn, Stanwyck, Rivers, Cher, Oprah, etc …
Mostly gay icons; I am unsure whether he is being ironic or venting hostility.
His is not respectful homage, he skewers and ridicules.
Snarky comments mask envy and resentment.

 

[Zaharoff]

Human Lanterns - 1982 - Hong Kong

Human Lanterns - 1982 - 6/10
AKA - Ren pi deng long // 人 皮 燈 籠

The rich man, wanting to defeat a rival spendthrift, hires the lantern maker.
Who, as we find out, makes shades from fleshy sources, of which there seem to be plenty.
Our protagonists are vain and boastful, whereas the villain (Lo Lieh) oozes diabolic charisma.
Weak as ever, I root for the baddie, just as hard blondes have ever snared my interest.
Shaw Brothers shocker has swordsplay, horror, scheming, murders.
Grisly midnight gem.

 

[Zaharoff]

The Botanical Avatar Of Mademoiselle Flora - 1965 - France

The Botanical Avatar Of Mademoiselle Flora - 1965 - 6/10
AKA - L’avatar Botanique de Mlle Flora

Flora is having a one-sided affair with a soldier.
He wants someone to cook, wash his clothes, buy his cigarettes, listen to him kvetch.
In short, he wants a maid – or his mommy.
Flora wants romance, would be fine with mattress action.
Settles for indoor and outdoor gardening.
Bernadette Lafont, fetching in A Gorgeous Girl Like Me (1972), vengeful in A Very Curious Girl (1969), is enticing here as the frustrated minx.

 

[Zaharoff]

The Hairdresser Mysteries - 2026 - UK

The Hairdresser Mysteries - 2026 - 5/10

Lily opens a retro shop in a new town, along with best mate Clara.
They arrive, and murders soon begin – which she has a talent for solving!
Mysteries in this are bland, poorly written and uninspired.
Prime example of stale formula and bad writing.
Cast seems alright. The entire creative team ought to be replaced.

 

[Zaharoff]

Exterior Night - 1993 - USA

Exterior Night - 1993 - 6/10

Outside his window, an earlier world beckons.
Steve puts himself into the black and white cityscape, follows the bluesy “Déjà Vu”.
Gangsters, nightclubs, Pulp writer Biff Farley, a mysterious package, the sidewalk shooting.
And the canary, whose face has troubled generations of his family.
Steve is soon enamored by a blonde songbird, who had been haunting his dreams.

Caught in a recurring timeslip, Steve tries to sort a buried family mystery.
Borrows from The Purple Rose Of Cairo (1985), and will be great for Noir fans.

 

[Zaharoff]

Shark Bait - 2022 - Malta

Shark Bait - 2022 - 5/10

Oh, and Spring Break had been going wonderful.
Last night, the drinking, dancing, I even slept with my best friend’s boyfriend!
Well, we were drunk, so it doesn’t count, no matter how many times we did it.
Then, this morning, we borrowed two jet skis. OK, stole, but we were having fun.
Until we started playing chicken, and wrecked them both, in the middle of the ocean.
Now, this nasty shark keeps picking us off. Honestly, you’d think it would be full.
My skin is all sunburned, I’m wrinkled, what if someone realizes I’m not twenty?
I only have four more lines left in the script. So unfair.
This is the worst Spring Break in the history of forever!

 

[Zaharoff]

Murder, He Says - 1945 - USA

Murder, He Says - 1945 - 6/10

Pollster Pete ignores misgivings and heads to the Fleagle farm.
Where a colleague had disappeared, and the folks are downright hostile.
Right quick, Pete is in a mess of trouble. Beaten, horsewhipped, tied up, questioned.
Where’s the money? – What money? I just got here. – Where’s the money?
Fast-paced mystery / comedy set in the Ozarks, gives MacMurray a lot of room.
The real find is Jean Heather, career on a streak, before the accident.

 

[Zaharoff]

Probability Factor - 1976 - France

Probability Factor - 1976 - 6/10
AKA - L'ordinateur des Pompes Funèbres

Maybe she wasn’t always like this, but one doubts it.
Fred’s wife is a chronic nag, harridan, shrew, bully, making his domestic life hell.
At work, the insurance company, he is a computer engineer, processing risk via numbers.
Such as, how many ways might his wife die at home?
Idle fantasy, until Fred’s secretary, Charlotte, takes advantage of – ahem – a position.
Sexy French comedy of Fred making the right choices, then the wrong ones.

 

[Zaharoff]

I Was A Teenage Werewolf - 1957 - USA

I Was A Teenage Werewolf - 1957 - 5/10

Troubled juvenile delinquent Tony is ordered to visit a psychiatrist.
Dr. Brandon uses hypnosis regression to ascertain the root of Tony’s anger.
And gives him an experimental drug to stimulate his primitive side.
Low-budget, B horror was a staple with Teenage Frankenstein for years.
Not particularly scary (there is more running around than killing).
Watched as children, my brother and I dissected it, but found it OK.
Even today, this is more fun than bad. One of Landon’s favorite roles.

 

[Zaharoff]

War Of The Worlds - 1953 - USA

War Of The Worlds - 1953 - 7/10

“Everybody understands when you wave the white flag, you wanna be friends.”
“Hey, there! Open up!”
So declare the local welcome wagon trio in California.
Who become the first victims of a full-scale Martian invasion.
Exciting 1950’s SciFi is an effects powerhouse and remains thrilling decades later.
Not exactly faithful to Wells, but frighteningly close to Hawking’s predictions.

 

[Zaharoff]

The Time Travelers - 1964 - USA

The Time Travelers - 1964 - 5/10

Scientists devise a time travel view screen.
Only, mirroring today, it drains enormous power from the local utility.
Then, it shorts somehow, and become a transport portal … into the future!
2071, Earth a wasteland after a nuclear war.
Mutants on the surface, remnants of civilization underground.
Although a cheesy B-film (borrowing from The Time Machine, it is thoughtful, and the ending imaginative.