This is a very Ligottian poem.
Clown
Henri Michaux (trans. Richard Ellmann)
Some day,
Some day, soon maybe,
Some day I will root up the anchor which keeps my ship far from the seas.
With the sort of courage that is needed to be nothing and nothing but nothing, I will let loose what seemed to be indissolubly close to me.
I'll slice it up, I'll turn it over, I'll break it, I'll make it tumble down.
Disgorging at one blow my miserable shame, my miserable combinations and the shackles forged link by link.
Drained of the abscess of being somebody, I will drink again of nourishing space.
By blows of ridicule, of disgraces (what's disgrace?), by exploding apart, by emptiness, by a total dissipation-derision-purgation, I will throw out of me the form that is thought to be so well attached, compounded, coordinated, matched to my associates, and to my fellow-creatures, my so respectable, so respectable fellow-creatures.
Reduced to the humility of catastrophes, to a perfect par level as after an intense fright.
Degraded from my present rank to less than any measure, to the lowest rank that I know any plan-ambition had made me abandon.
Cancelled in pride, cancelled in reputation.
Lost in a place far-off (or even not), without name, without identity.
Clown, destroying in laughter, in grotesqueness, in guffawing, the meaning that contrary to all indications I had developed about my own importance.
I will dive.
Without my purse into the underlying infinite-mind that is open to all,
I too open to a new and incredible dew,
by force of being null
and levelled . . .
and laughable . . .