Warriors of Love

Here are four versions of "Daisy" Chapter 9 Paragraph 1:

First Draft

In contrast to the previous day, the lake lay leaden under a sky heavy with cloud. Gulls mewed, circling overhead –- perhaps a storm at sea had blown them inland. Certainly, a chill wind blew –- feeling almost wintry. A cold shudder ran through me. Gusting stronger than before, the blast carried a smell of burnt canvas from where Liz and Mel inspected the partially charred remains of Sandra’s tent. Sweetness enveloped my tongue from the honey in my blackcurrant tea.

Second Draft

In contrast to the previous day, dull choppy waves scudded the lake. The sky churned with storm-freighted cloud. Gulls mewed, circling overhead –- perhaps gale-tossed from their wonted sea. Certainly, a sharp wind blew –- with a distinct wintry edge. The gust carried a charred smell. Twelve or fifteen paces distant, Liz and Mel inspected Sandra’s partially incinerated tent. A shudder ran through me –- part cold, part remorse or regret. Sweetness enveloped my tongue: honey-laced blackcurrant tea.

Third Draft

Unlike the previous day, dull choppy waves scudded the lake. The sky churned with storm-freighted cloud. Gulls circled, mewing –- perhaps gale-tossed from their wonted sea. Certainly, a sharp wind blew –- with a distinct wintry edge. The gust carried a charred smell. Twelve or fifteen paces distant, Liz and Mel inspected Sandra’s partially incinerated tent. A shudder ran through me –- part cold, part remorse or regret. Sweetness enveloped my tongue: honey-laced blackcurrant tea.

Probably final version

Distinct from the previous day, dull choppy waves scudded on the lake. The sky churned, massed with storm-freighted cloud. Gulls circled, mewing –- gale-tossed, I imagined, from their wonted sea. Certainly, a sharp wind blew –- its edge winter’s harbinger. Charring swept on the gust. Twelve or fifteen paces distant, Liz and Mel inspected Sandra’s fire-damaged tent. A shudder ran through me –- part cold, part remorse or regret. Sweetness enveloped my tongue: honey-laced blackcurrant tea.
 
Here's something (written today) for anyone who wonders about the origin of the name of a certain European country:

“Fair enough,” I posed the question, “but remind me, why do the girls need to be able to trek in winter weather? Couldn’t they explore the Victoria’s Land wilderness during the summer months?”

“As we explore further south and east, Jane, the expeditions will take longer. Years, eventually, perhaps.”

“Yes, but couldn’t they rest up during the colder weather?”

“There may be no warm weather where they go. A place the Old Time blasphemers called Swizzer Land, for instance, has high mountains – some of them covered in snow throughout the year.”

“Swizzer Land?” Passibelle sounded doubtful. “That’s a funny sort of name.”

“I believe that it was home to money-changers who swizzed people.”

“Perhaps,” Rachel suggested, “they sought refuge in the mountains from the people they’d cheated.”

“That makes sense,” Passibelle admitted.
 
My work in progress is to be Volume 6 of The Warriors of Love. The book is entitled Daisy's Day. The action of the novel covers only twenty hours, something which imposes much upon it.

It is designed to follow Volume 5 Tuerqui. There is an extreme contrast between the two books. At the start of Tuerqui, the narrator has just been enslaved, and there follows an account of life in slavery. Daisy's Day concerns a boatload of young women on a mission to explore part of the wilderness continental Europe has long since become.

Here is a summary of some differences between Vol 5 Tuerqui and Vol 6 Daisy's Day:

Vol 5 Tuerqui:
  • Covers a period of several years
  • Huge cast of characters
  • Amongst them proper villains (starting with Cap'n Gentle, the pirate who enslaves the narrator)
  • Much headlong action
  • A great deal of violence
  • A lot of sex

Vol 6 Daisy's Day:
  • Covers a period of twenty hours
  • Just 8 characters, of whom half depart not very far into the book. For most of its length, there are only 4 characters
  • None of them (I think) dislikable, let alone proper villains
  • Very little action -- a tree falls over triggering a landslide, characters are shaken but not seriously injured
  • No violence
  • No sex

As a sample, here is the part of Daisy's Day on which I've been working today...

***​

“Thank you, Heather,” Sally said, taking her mug. “No honey spoon, I see.”

“We seemed to get the tea down our throats without honey, last time,” Heather replied, “and I thought…”

“Yeah,” Sally nodded. “Maybe it’s better to do without, rather than take just a scraping. The drop of honey in this morning’s tea only reminded me of what we’re missing – it didn’t do much to sweeten the drink.”

“Thanks love,” Carol said to Heather, taking her mug. Then, perhaps to Sally: “I suppose we’ll get used to taking it unsweetened, sooner or later.”

“We might even,” Heather added, "come to prefer it that way. Daisy – do you remember Felicity Peace?”

Felicity had been a lanky girl with a snub nose and freckles, whom I’d known at school. It would be going too far to say that we’d been fiends. We hadn’t been enemies, either. Rather, we’d failed to interact to any great degree. While I’d ridden my pony, or joined such girls as Heather climbing trees in the Oak Wood, Felicity had preferred to devote herself to ball games. After the Battle of Woking Field – during the First Civil War – Felicity’s mother, Penelope Peace, had lived up to her name by joining Her Majesty’s cause. Although once the enemy of the future Empress, she had been forgiven – and why not? Even Nadine Next had eventually been reconciled.

“Yes,” I replied, “what of it?”

“Before she came to the Belle House, she’d gone to school in some prison camp.”

“Felicity Peace, you say?” Sally asked. “Daughter of Penelope Peace?”

“That’s the one,” I agreed.

“Did Penelope rebel a second time? I mean, the prison camp…”

“Of course not,” Heather replied. “And, even if she had, Felicity was… is… an eaquelle by right of birth. When I said prison camp, I just meant a tough kind of school – a place that wouldn’t allow the girls honey in their drinks.”

“In that case,” Carol observed, “exploration would have suited her.”

“In some ways it might not,” I said, “we don’t chase balls about the forest.”

“Bulls?” Sally asked. “Forest cattle?”

“Balls,” I clarified, “with an a. Felicity liked to play hockey, and tennis, and…”

“Hockey,” Sally said, “encourages teamwork, which would be useful on an expedition… not that I ever much took to it, myself.”

“My point…” Heather looked at us as though we were a class of naughty children, subverting her lesson by introducing irrelevancies. “…was to do with honey, not ball games. Accustomed to unsweetened drinks, she never did take honey – or, at least, I never knew her to.”

“Then,” Carol said, “give or take the ball games, she really would have been suited to an explorer’s life.”

“What I had in mind is that maybe we’ll be like Felicity.”

“Once we have the axes and saws, we could maybe fashion hockey sticks from the branches of fallen trees.” It occurred to me that Carol was now deliberately misunderstanding her partner. “A round rock might do for the ball.”

“Are you winding me up?” Heather asked.

Carol’s impression of wounded innocence was almost convincing. “Me?”

“Yes, you, my precious badness. What I meant was that maybe, once we get used to unsweetened drinks, we won’t reach for the honey jar when we’re back in civilisation.”

“On the other hand,” Sally said, “we may go the other way, and pour honey into our tea like Auntie Jane.”

“Either way, my love,” I replied, “I hope that you and I will go in the same direction.”

“Of course we will. Your home will be mine, and…”

“Are you doing a Carol on me?”

“And what do you mean by that?” Carol asked.

“Deliberately misunderstanding me, like you did with Heather, just now.”

“Daisy!” Carol’s exaggerated tone of shocked innocence was unlikely to fool anyone. “As if I would!”

“Silly me, Carol, suspecting that you don’t mean every word you say. And I meant, my Welsh floozy, that I hoped we’d go in the same direction by taking more or less honey in our tea.”
 
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Nemonymous said:
Review of JANE by PF Jeffery (Chomu Press): the first volume of the duodecology entitled 'The Warriors of Love':

Book of the Month: by P.F. Jeffery | paintthistownred

"It is a work of towering imagination, staggering wit and vital energy."
Click to expand...

From a recent review of JANE here: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/924425174?book_show_action=true&page=1
"It is truely inspiring and eye opening read, and a journey I think we should all go through."

And another here: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/943767641?book_show_action=true&page=1
"This novel has swagger. Post-apocalyptic fantasy exploring a hyper-feminist society through the youth and eroticism of beaucrat Jane. P.F.Jeffery’s writing bounces with intelligence, charisma, and humor (an absolute pleasure to read)- but still finds the time to critically analyze itself, and feminity, and sex, and love, in a very gentle and confident way."

In recent months I have been reading private copies of two novels later in the 'Warriors of Love' duodecology: Daisy's Day and Daisy's Month.
These are uniquely charming. Magnetising.

JANE, meanwhile, can only speak for herself. With that critically slow-burning fuse of the first Chomu Press novel in the series.
 
Much work has now been done on preparing Volume 2 Margaret for publication... but perhaps I should check with the prospective publisher before saying too much about that.
 
Odalisque said:
Much work has now been done on preparing Volume 2 Margaret for publication... but perhaps I should check with the prospective publisher before saying too much about that.
Click to expand...

As I implied yesterday above, the slow-burning fuse of your duodecology of novels looks as if it is now approaching well-deserved ignition...!
 
I've now written more than eighty (preliminary draft) pages of the twelfth and final volume Daisy's Year. I wonder whether I will live to see the book published.
 
Here's an issue on which I'd welcome other people's views. It's to do with language, rather than the storyline.

The twelve Warriors of Love novels cover almost a century during which there are great changes of several kinds. The most important of those changes is the introduction and spread of gynogenesis, whereby two women are able to conceive a child (who will always be female). The final volume is set in the year 74-75, by which time there will be very few men under the age of fifty, and none in important positions. I wonder, in this context, what will become of the feminine -ess termination.

I think that we might see three things:

1. The decay and disappearance of some -ess words. A clear example, I think, is 'manageress'. As opposed to 'manager', 'manageress' is a bit of a mouthful. If all managers were female, I can see no reason why the -ess form would be retained. It might have been popular in the early years of the Empire, with a message of 'I manage by right of being female' but (I suspect) would be virtually extinct before Year 50.

2. Some -ess words might be preferred as easier to say than the masculine or general forms. A clear example is 'Empress', which is shorter and rolls off the tongue more easily than 'emperor'. Perhaps 'actress' would be retained as marginally easier to say than 'actor'.

3. The -ess suffix might be retained as a honourific, rather than female, suffix. This would provide an additional reason to retain 'Empress'. Here are my thoughts on other examples:

a. 'Goddess'. Goddesses, of course, are mightier than mere gods. It could be that a dryad (the spirit of a single tree), for example, might come to be regarded as a god -- whereas the gestalt of many trees would be a forest goddess.

b. 'Priestess'. Perhaps a young woman, emerging from theological college, might become a priest. (A status equivalent, perhaps, to a curate in the Church of England). Subsequently, she would be eligible to be initiated as a fully-fledged priestess, who might have responsibility for the spiritual wellbeing of an entire community.

c. 'Princess'. Perhaps women and girls closely related to the Empresses might continue to hold the title of princess, whereas those a little more distantly related might become mere princes.

d. 'Actress'. Although 'actress' may roll off the tongue a little easier than 'actor', might the word fall is disuse because an actress per se doesn't have the high status implied by other surviving -ess terminated words?

******

I'd welcome, as I said, other people's views on this issue.
 
An interesting subject. "Less is more," an interesting dictum, especially with the current age's internet splurge of stuff, books galore, millions of books, electronic and print-on-demand, etc etc.

I think the -ess suffix for femininity is a pretty one that would be a shame to avoid. Although there are exceptions, like 'manageress', as you say, that is a bit of a mouthful. (I think the "-trix" suffix ugly by comparison).

Is this tied up with calling 'chairwoman' or 'chairman' as 'chair''? Is today's so-called political correctness relevant? Just throwing that in.

"'Goddesses, of course, are mightier than mere gods."
Even if that is a truism within the world of 'Warriors of Love', the use of 'of course' there needs to be discussed, at least, rather than letting a 'truism' pass, without reaping any wisdom from questioning a 'truism'.

Individual 'god' deities as a 'goddess' gestalt, you mention, is an interesting observation. I know your 'Warriors of Love' duodecology teems with mind-stretching observations as well as picaresque adventure and cultural vision. Fast-moving, at times, deliciously slow, at others. Thanks for that.
 
Nemonymous said:
"'Goddesses, of course, are mightier than mere gods."
Even if that is a truism within the world of 'Warriors of Love', the use of 'of course' there needs to be discussed, at least, rather than letting a 'truism' pass, without reaping any wisdom from questioning a 'truism'.
Click to expand...

I think that it is difficult to square the womb from which the universe emerged with male divinity. Take, if you will, what I believe to be the start of St John's Gospel. (I own many books, but the Bible is not amongst them, otherwise I'd check.) If memory serves, it goes somewhat in this manner: "In the beginning was the word..." How much more sense would this make, if we substitute "womb" for "word", and alter "God" to "the goddess"?
 
Nemonymous said:
I think the -ess suffix for femininity is a pretty one that would be a shame to avoid. Although there are exceptions, like 'manageress', as you say, that is a bit of a mouthful. (I think the "-trix" suffix ugly by comparison).
Click to expand...

Perhaps because of its bizarre angularity, I rather like the '-trix' suffix. Possibly another attraction, for me, is the irregular plural '-trices'. If it were generally applicable to words ending in 'x', we would be putting things in bocices, perhaps, which might be pronounced like 'boxes', but has quite a different look. Also, I rather like the letter 'x', which is more of an ornamental embellishment to the alphabet that a utilitarian necessity. A box could perfectly well be a bocks, but it would be sad day that the substitution was made. People (not just me) seem to like the 'x' so well that it is assigned the additional duties of signifying a kiss, marking the spot on pirate treasure maps, and so on.

All of that said, I use (I'm sure) the suffix '-trix' very little in The Warriors of Love. In fact, there is (I believe) only one pre-existing '-trix' word to be found in the entire series. That is 'genetrix'. It means 'female parent' (the male form is 'genitor'). The word isn't my invention, but seems handy for a female parent who is not the mother. I think though, that the word is only written in full as 'genetrix' a time or two in the entire series, and not at all until Volume 11. Contracted as 'genny' the word is important and used frequently from Volume 3 Daisy onwards. Daisy's genny is Modesty Clay.

There is also a '-trix' neologism which first appears in Volume 2 Margaret, but possibly doesn't figure in any of the later volumes. That is 'Surretrix' which means the same as our 'lesbian'. An association with Surrey, rather than Lesbos, is appropriate for these books.
 
Odalisque said:
Nemonymous said:
"'Goddesses, of course, are mightier than mere gods."
Even if that is a truism within the world of 'Warriors of Love', the use of 'of course' there needs to be discussed, at least, rather than letting a 'truism' pass, without reaping any wisdom from questioning a 'truism'.
Click to expand...

I think that it is difficult to square the womb from which the universe emerged with male divinity. Take, if you will, what I believe to be the start of St John's Gospel. (I own many books, but the Bible is not amongst them, otherwise I'd check.) If memory serves, it goes somewhat in this manner: "In the beginning was the word..." How much more sense would this make, if we substitute "womb" for "word", and alter "God" to "the goddess"?
Click to expand...

I've been thinking about this. When I was much younger, I liked the idea of creation through the word. Perhaps that was because, as a writer, the word was my chosen creative vehicle. (It is another question whether the word chose me, or I chose the word, or whether there was an interweaving of the two.) Now, the idea of creation through the word strikes me as fundamentally wrong because it presents creativity/creation as clean, orderly and logical. (On the logical aspect, one might consider the relationship between logos and logic.) It seems to me, with an increasing experience of the world, that creation is always messy, chaotic and irrational. Increasingly, I wouldn't care for it to be otherwise.
 
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