A few reviews

[Zaharoff]

The Last Legion - 2007 - 5/10



I saw this on the shelf, and it looked lame, but I grabbed it anyway.
Colin Firth terribly miscast as a Roman commander assigned to protect the last Caesar.
Visigoths overrun Rome, so Firth and companions (Indian warrior maiden, huge guy in dreadlocks, et al) set off for Britain.
Ben Kingsley also participates in this "intimate epic." Film-makers phrase, meaning not enough budget for cast of thousands. Intimate - cheap.
Firth can’t wield a sword for sjht. How come all those different nationalities speak and understand English?
Where do they dine on this long trek? Caesar’s Chicken?
Mindless nonsense.

[Zaharoff]

Frozen - 2010 - 7/10

No, this ain’t the sing-along kiddie film.
Three college friends spend all Sunday skiing.
Evening, the hill is closing because of approaching storms. They beg for one last lift ride ...
Things go wrong.
These are not "slasher" teenagers that you want dead.
All are real, funny even, but unwise to the notion that there are consequences to risky decisions.
A clinic on how to make a great thriller using a lift chair. A 50 foot drop. Freezing sleet. Frostbite. 3 degrees. And the realization that the mountain is only open on weekends and that Friday is a long way off.
After all that, events go quite dark for our characters.

[Zaharoff]

Begin Again - 2014 - 7/10



Two broken souls meet, help each other stand, then run.
Both are bruised artists, victims of commercialization over integrity.
Keira Knightley plays the dumped girlfriend (and songwriter) of singer boyfriend, who is catching fire.
Mark Ruffalo pitch perfect as music exec, once edgy, once influential, now living in failure.
Exquisite location filming in New York as the two record, guerrilla style, in subway, in Central Park, in alleys.
Music is quite good, by the way. Knightley sings her own. Her voice, somewhere between twee and shoegaze, is well suited to her character and songs.
Not a love story, but a tale of redemption. Great date film, nevertheless.

[Zaharoff]

Beloved - 2011 - 5/10
AKA - Des Bien Aimes



For twenty minutes, I am enjoying this comedy, thinking, “This is why I like French films."
Then the comedy ends, followed by a two hour dirge.
Bummer.
Story starts in 1964 as young shoe clerk, working as whore on the side, meets a young doctor.
Within minutes, love leads to marriage. Right, how many doctors pick prostitutes?
Marriage sours, then we follow her grown daughter and her relationship problems.
Throughout, narratives swing between both tearful women.
Still curious about this doozy, French fans? This is also a musical! Characters sing throughout.
Song lyrics are wowzah bad - ♫ The son of a fish is fishy ♪
Some of the dialogue is equally insane - “The beaver is sleeping?” “You know why they have a flat tail?” “Because they were sucked by ducks.”
Swear, I’m not making this up!
Sadly ... the whole thing is a downer and a bore. This could have been a trash masterpiece.

[Zaharoff]

Secret Service Of The Imperial Court - 1984 - 6/10
AKA - Gam Vee Wai // 錦衣衛



Violent, gory, and downbeat period actioner from late Shaw Brothers era.
The new emperor is preoccupied with plenty of nude girls supplied by the court eunuch.
While he is distracted, the evil eunuch (are there any other kind?) peddles influence, kills rivals, and positions himself as all-powerful.
Even the elite band of court assassins, the Brocade Guard, falls under his sway.
Except for Sergeant Zhao Bufan, who gets squeezed between duty and righteousness.
Numerous fights accompanied with geysers and severed limbs.
Plot a bit confusing, and the body count is damn near everyone in the film.
Fairly entertaining now, though when released it was considered old fashioned.
Such as - the musical sequences.
Shaw Brothers popcorn.

[Zaharoff]

Sing Street - 2016 - 8/10



Joyous, “let’s put a band together” story set in mid 80s Dublin.
Chocked with tunes from the era, as well as the band’s own compositions.
The early numbers are dreadfully funny, though the band improves quickly.
Typical of the time, they also make videos, with like a 5p budget.
The female star of the videos is the unreadable girl across the street, who transfixes the lead singer.
No great revelations plotwise in quite likeable film.
Cast is almost perfect. Don’t just watch the videos, watch it whole.
Wonderful movie and great pairing with God Help The Girl.

[Zaharoff]

God Help The Girl - 2014 - 8/10



Three minutes in, I asked, “Is this based on a musical?”
The females who selected this quickly answered, “I hope not.”
There were songs throughout - lots of them.
Internal songs, numbers for a prospective concert, others, to quote Mr Wilson, busy doing nothing.
A small percentage will love this film, destined to become a cult fave. A greater proportion will shrug or dislike.
The cinematography is stylized and lush. For some, and this will be the last spike, there are dance numbers.
Odd coming of age tale, omitting the typical love angle.
Troubled girl escapes from clinic / halfway house, goes to Glasgow, tries to work on her song craft.
The theme is of the friends you make in your late teens, early twenties. Your peers.
The ones who help you through the awkward, often painful transition into adulthood.
The ones who, for the briefest of springs, mean the whole world to you.



Yet that period is so very brief.
Bittersweet, and again, not everyone will enjoy.

[Robert Adam Gilmour]

I could swear there's a good eunuch in one of King Hu's most famous films.

[Zaharoff]

T2 Trainspotting - 2017 - 6/10



Twenty year follow-up to the groundbreaking original.
Sick Boy, Spud, Rent Boy, Begbie, and a few others.
Renton returns to the betrayals he left behind, and plans a shizzle with Simon.
Begbie thirsts for vengeance, Spud writes redemption.
Flashbacks remind one of relevant points in the original.
I enjoyed this more than I thought, possibly because my expectations were low.

[Zaharoff]

The Big Switch - 1968 - 4/10



Swinger John Carter enters a hectic period.
He swipes another guy’s smoldering blonde at the disco, drives her to her pad.
There, she gets iced there and he gets framed.
Goes home, where thugs drink his booze, play strip poker, and slap him around.
At work, he’s fired. Lone job prospect is with a conniving gangster.
Despite enough material for five cheap paperbacks, this movie is slower than a tortoise finding love.
Producers must have realized this because every seven minutes there is nudity.



Strippers, go-go girls, pinup models, working girls, female wrestlers, dopeheads.
Just when you start to nod off, girls disrobe and bounce the rack.
The plot is crap. The music - dude - the composer uses a thinly disguised Bond theme!
Not only that, in the last twenty minutes an Aston Martin appears.
Wanted to like this trashy sleaze, but it’s too pokey.