Thread for telling us your current struggles

[Frater_Tsalal]

About a month ago one of our family cats was diagnosed with a type of cancer. Due to his old age (roughly 17 and a half) and overall state of ill-health my parents opted to not put him through chemotherapy and we've just been trying to make him as comfortable as can be his last few weeks. Anyway, he's pretty much on his last legs and we'll probably be taking him to the vet to get put to sleep tomorrow. Although this isn't the first cat I've lost it still never gets easy, and I'm very close to him... we've had him since 2002, when he was like 6-9 months old, so we've had him most of his life. Watching him decline has been very painful, and I've been struggling this month. Although I've never been a crier (at the worst I might get a little weepy/teary-eyed), as of recently I've found myself often bursting into tears, which is an alien sensation to me that I can't say I care for. I'm not macho by any stretch of the imagination, I just hate losing control of my body, and it kind of ruins the sense of affected British reserve I like to project at all times.

I guess you could say it reminds me of this old SEINFELD scene:

The Serenity Now - Jerry Crying - YouTube

Actually, the timing sucks because earlier in the month one of my longtime online friends, the writer/poet Kevin Killian, died at the age of 66, and I still haven't fully coped with that loss either. Fortunately for my mental state of well-being, I am a Christian of some sort and believe in the afterlife, so that gives me some solace/hope.

[Robert Adam Gilmour]

I really cant predict how you will feel but I have personally found that worrying about a dying animal is worse than when it actually dies.

My grandmother had an old cat and it went missing for months, completely uncharacteristic for it to go missing at all. We felt as if it knew it was very old and wanted to go on a big adventure like it never had. It came back with a terrible eye injury and needed to be put down.
I hear that mandatory ID chips for cats are coming soon, so at least missing pets will be less of a problem. Don't know how many countries ID chip dogs.

[Frater_Tsalal]

Well, our cats are pretty much always indoor cats.

Yeah, I mean I've had other pets put down before so it's something I'm used to (well, as much as one can get used to such a thing), and I know it's done in a fast and humane manner, with minimum suffering. But yes, it's the build-up to it that can be very traumatic, especially if the build-up in question is prolonged for a number of weeks. And I HATE crying in public, with a passion... I don't like seeing my dad/brothers cry either. Something about seeing men cry always guts me, perhaps because it's not something I see often. Ah well, at the very least it'll be over in less than 2 hours or so.

[dr. locrian]

I've gone through dark times in my life, but I have been incredibly fortunate for some time now, work-wise. I knew things would eventually change, and they have now. In brief, I'm dealing with some significant depression for the first time in quite a while. Hold fast, friends, and I'll do the same.

My main problem is that I have no life, society has rejected me, I get ill leaving the house and am waiting to get kicked out so I can die in the street. Otherwise I'm basically feeling okay.

[Freyasfire]

I haven't posted here in ages, but felt compelled to contribute to this thread that feels very relevant to me right now. I've struggled with intense depression and anxiety on and off ever since I can remember. And I am at a very low ebb right now. I often feel like I am a whiny baby, because my health is fairly decent, I have a pretty well paying and stable job, and I want for no material comforts. However I'm lonely and isolated and feel on the verge of despair at every moment. And, being an odd, less than conventionally attractive, middle aged woman looking for companionship is no easy feat, let me tell you!

[Revenant]

Quote Originally Posted by Freyasfire

I haven't posted here in ages, but felt compelled to contribute to this thread that feels very relevant to me right now. I've struggled with intense depression and anxiety on and off ever since I can remember. And I am at a very low ebb right now. I often feel like I am a whiny baby, because my health is fairly decent, I have a pretty well paying and stable job, and I want for no material comforts. However I'm lonely and isolated and feel on the verge of despair at every moment. And, being an odd, less than conventionally attractive, middle aged woman looking for companionship is no easy feat, let me tell you!

As someone who suffered from anxiety and depression for years and denied it for much of my life, I can assure you that you self-criticism is understandable, but misguided. Depression is an emotion looking for a cause. And you will not find it. You cite your health, etc. All good, so why be depressed? It isn't like that. Depression is your dark passenger who strikes without rhyme, reason, or warning. Understanding and accepting that fact is very important in learning to live with the condition.

[GirlyGirlMask]

My place of employment is very much like a high school. I graduated 22 years ago and have no desire to re-enact that kind of thing (and I actually enjoyed school). It's disheartening when folks that are much older than you and should be mentors or examples get in little cliques and behave in ways my 12 year-old daughter and her friends behave. I've just about had it.

This is small stuff and pales in comparison to some real struggles like depression (which I know too well) or poverty-- I just needed to vent about this right now.

[Caliban]

Currently on state benefits. Can’t get a job despite having a degree mainly due to aspergers. I live with my parents who could throw me out and I’d be on the streets. I had an interview recently and really tried and they didn’t even get back to me and I would have liked to work in a bookshop. I have encyclopaedic knowledge because books and authors are my aspergers special interest but I’m obviously not good at interviews.

I most likely failed my MA due to a nervous breakdown this year. I eventually handed my dissertation in late and under word count.

Luckily I’m ok with my own company in the house by myself. I either read or create bibliographies of authors for fun or national literature lists and authors. I enjoy all this stuff.

Also I have various long term heart, kidney and eye problems. I’m on lots of medication including steroids that makes me really tired. I wish it would just hurry up and kill me sometimes but I keep on ticking.

I’m trying basically but I really haven’t achieved anything this year. Every New Years I wonder where I’ll be this time next yearnand it’s always the same.

My desire to read more weird fiction and all the big major literature stuff from history like the Decameron and Don Quixote and stuff is what keeps me going. Also I like recommending books to people and talking about them. My parents have to remind me that lots of people aren’t interested in talking about books with me because I forget that sort of stuff.

Hope everyone else is doing ok. Have a nice Christmas.

[ToALonelyPeace]

I think I'm doing alright, but compared to my sickly, younger self I am more sensitive than before. For a while now I've been thinking the best thing I can do in this life is to kill myself before it's too late. I dread that I will be worn out by society's endless demands to work and consume or I will be kidnapped and tortured. It's hard for me to sleep knowing somewhere there are people trapped in a basement screaming and no one will hear, no one will help them.